Tuesday, November 6, 2012

She's Only Five.

My child is amazing.
She is smart, she is witty, she is kind, caring, gentle.

She is also mean, fresh, mouthy, sarcastic and bitter, and vicious.

My child is five.

Those times when she grates on my last nerve with her mouthy fresh barbs.  Those times when I think - I can't take it anymore - I'm done, over it - out. (and trust me, they happen.  embarrassingly, they happen)  Those times when I have just Had It.   Those times?  I need to remind myself - she's only five.

She acts, talks, thinks, and reacts like a 12 year old.
She acts, talks, thinks, and reacts like a 5 year old.

My child is five.

as much as I absolutely, without fail, miss this little girl:


I absolutely, without fail, adore this one:


I need to remember.  She's Only five.

She has those moments where she makes my heart melt:

But really .. she's only five.

We will have days when we fight, when she says things that are hurtful.  When she pushes those buttons... but then.

She's Only Five.

And she does stuff like this:


And then I laugh, and smile .. and melt again

Monday, September 17, 2012

Simple Goals

I'm a fairly simple, easy-going girl.

I always have been (in my own head.) low maintenance.   Very few things are necessary to make me happy. A camera, a book, and a little time to myself - perfect afternoon.

After getting married, and having a child?  Those types perfect afternoons are fewer and farther between.  I have to adjust my way of thinking.  So .. Now?  A perfect afternoon still involves a camera, but now I don't "need" (always) the time to myself.

Since being married, and a mom - my goals have also shifted.  No longer do I strive for professional perfection.  No longer do I strive to dine out every night of the week, or even once a week, or even once a month.  No longer do I strive to see "The It Movies" while they're in the theaters.  No longer do I want to be President, or a Lawyer.  Now?  Now my goals are .. eating dinner together, at a decent time, at the table.  To maybe have some time to myself, once a month or so (Book club) .. to keep in touch with friends (which gets harder and harder to do it seems.) Now, I strive to make sure that Emily has everything she needs, while still understanding the differences between "want" and "need" ... 

However, ONE goal that I have had since I was a little girl - third grade, actually, when we moved from Massachusetts to New Hampshire - was to see every Covered Bridge that is still standing in New Hampshire.   Legitimately.  And to photograph them, naturally.  I will complete this goal, even if it takes me the rest of my life.

Thus far, we have crossed 10 of the listed covered bridges off ... (though, since some of them are close, I'm sure I'll double dip a few times. So to speak)

This past Saturday, we decided to take a jaunt to the closest town that we hadn't traveled to - in order to see the two bridges there.

Here are just a few of my most favorite pictures from Saturday, our recent Covered Bridge Excursion.










Perfect Late Summer Day <3 br="br">

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Unpopular Opinion ..

I have never - in my entire 31 years of existence - held back an opinion.  I may have softened one.  I may have slightly altered one.  But I have Never Held One Back.

Today - is September 11th.   
Today - is 11 years since the terror attacks on US Soil took the lives of thousands of people.  
Innocent People.

Today - is the day my unpopular opinion *should* probably be held back, but I can't.  It wouldn't be true to who I am.

I fully believe we should, and that we will not ever, forget the events of that day, and those immediately following - and the "reality" that is now.   I fully believe we should, and that we will not ever, forget the victims of that day, and those of the immediate days following.  I fully believe we should, and that we will not ever, forget the heroes of that day, and those that emerged immediately after.

That said.   I don't see how it's healthy, or helpful, to consistently - year after year - replay the events of that day, and those following - on the anniversary.

The people who were in NYC?  Near that field in PA?  In the Pentagon?  Or those who had loved ones who were?  Are not the ones you see posting "I remember" or "never forget" or "9-11" with a little heart - all over social media.  They are not the ones who are giving media interviews, 11 years later with where they were, and what they remember of that day. They are not the ones who need the attention of "remembering" ... they?  remember every day.   They can never forget.

They cannot live their lives 'normally', they cannot escape it.  

We?  We, who were in rural/urban NH or rural Wisconsin or the metropolis California even?  We escape it for the rest of the year, except this one day.  Maybe the week leading up to it.

Those family members who gave birth in the days following - while missing vital members of their family?    They aren't the ones posting "I remember" ... they have an 11 year old reminder, every second of every day.

It is my (unpopular) opinion that reading the names of those lost, every year, is harmful.

It is my (unpopular) opinion that in order to remember, we need to some how - some how - move on.  We need to remember, yes.  Never forget, surely.  but we NEED to move on, not backwards.

These people need to heal.

I have devoured everything written, or created, photographed, reported, recorded, remembered by those that were there - with regards to this day.  This infamous day in History.  I cannot imagine having to relive the  last moments my husband had before his plane slammed into a building in front of the entire world.

I cannot imagine reliving that in front of the entire world.  I don't think we should expect them to.  I don't think we should require them to.

I think there are honorable, respectful ways to remember those lost.  Remember those who have fought every day for us, for them.  I think we can figure out a way to Honor this day.  Without forgetting.  Without reliving.

It's Unpopular, but it's mine.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Every Mile(stone) is a memory

When I started this blog a few years ago, it was as a way to keep my thoughts in line.  a way to record things I didn't want to ever forget.

Memories.  Miles.   Milestones, if you will.

We've had a few of those in the recent past.

Skipping a level in swimming lessons, becoming a "helper" in swimming lessons, moving up from "mini" status in dance class - and being able to move up to a new type of dance (Jazz, we start this Saturday the 8th), getting her very own library card, Kindergarten Orientation --- and the biggest?  Today was her very first day of Kindergarten.

After waking Em up this morning for her first day, she got dressed in her sun dress and jacket.   She had honey nut cheerios and apple juice for breakfast, brushed her teeth and put her fancy dress shoes on.  Her school bus is supposed to arrive at 7:20am.   We had plenty of time for a quick picture (there's always time) We got outside to the bus stop at 7:15am.  We waited in the van (it was slightly raining) for 10 minutes, I got out and looked up and down the road to see if there were any other children waiting for their bus.   There weren't.

I called the school (they're going to hate me) - after the Bus Coordinator didn't answer her phone (nothing new there) ... They radioed the bus driver, and came back ... here's the conversation as I remember it:

M:  Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me the status of a bus?
S:   Sure, what bus?  Do you know who the driver is?
M:  MJ.  It's Labrador at Governors?
S:   Okay, are you looking for a student .. or?
M:  No, my daughter is here, we're just trying to see if she missed the bus?
S:  Okay, I'll be right back.

Time passes -- seems really slow -- and then:

S:  I just spoke with MJ - it sounds like she changed the time.  She said she had been running behind, and had more kids to pick up than originally thought.  She'll be there, at your stop, at 7:13am every day.  It looks like the high school kids weren't getting to school with enough time.
M:  Soooo we missed it today?
S:  I'm sorry, It appears so - she's already come and gone for the morning.
M:  Awesome, I'll be dropping my daughter off then. See you soon!

At this point, I'm so aggravated that they didn't call to notify the parents of the time change - that I have Em buckle in immediately, so I'm not late to work. 

When we arrive at school, Emily is so excited she can't sit still.  I open the back door and she FLIES out.  Forgetting her back pack.

I walk her through the doors where the following conversation takes place:

M:  Okay Bug.  I can't go any further.  I'm not allowed into your class remember?
E:   Mmmhmm.  I remember.
M:  Okay, you remember where to go?
E:   Yup.  To the Left, and I'm in room 1-1-0.
M:  Okay, Have fun, have a good day - and mind your manners?  I Love you!!
E:   Okay, Love you Mommy.   Bye!!!!!!

And away she went.  down the hall, and to her classroom.

Me?  I walked out to my van, head held high - until the door closed and the tears came.   I am incredibly proud of her - walking down that hall, by herself, to her classroom.  Like a Big Girl.

I arrived at the bus stop to get her off the bus at 10:55am.  The bus was due to arrive at 11:05am.

At 11:25am, still no bus - another call to the school.

She was running a bit late, because they wanted to ensure each student knew each driver, and that everyone was where they were supposed to be.  Again, a phone call would have been nice.

When the bus finally arrived, she ran off and JUMPED into my arms.   She was so excited.

She screamed "I LOVE MY NEW SCHOOL!"  Her favorite part of the entire day?  
Getting off the bus, and seeing me.  I am heartbroken, because I can't be there every day ... but beyond thrilled that *this* was the highlight of her day.

Thankfully, the first day is down - I hope this continues ... the happiness, the excitement, the enjoyment.

Her clothes are all laid out for day two, and she's chosen her snack for the day. 

Emily has been asleep since 7:30pm.  Apparently?  She was tired.

Kindergarten Orientation

First Day of Kindergarten

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Inspiration comes in many forms ...

This summer, I've been trying new things.  

I've been finding inspiration in the weirdest places.

Amongst them - are a few listed here:

Jill is an amazing woman.  An amazing mother, an amazing writer, and an amazingly crafty person.  She has inspired me to get fancy with Emily's snacks and lunches for school.  I have purchased a few things to help with this endeavor, not many as we're still tightening our belts, but as Jill says - you don't have to break the bank to make snacks/lunches fun.   You're going to spend the time putting them together, why not have a good time while doing it - or some such, I'm paraphrasing.

I'm worried Emily spends too much time in front of a screen.  Be it the TV, The Computer, Her Leap Pad, Daddy's Ipod, Mommy's Cellphone - whatever.  Entirely Too Much Time.  Tinkerlab is a fantastic site that shares creative ideas, and sites, for parents.  I wish I had a million free hours, and an endless supply of money, crafting supplies, etc. 

This is one of the ideas from Tinkerlab.  I cannot wait to get this done.  Emily has a new obsession with ISpy - she plays it in the car, she has a few ISpy (and other hidden object books) and it brings me such love and happiness to see her enjoy something that I myself find fun.

Britely is a recent obsession - to date, I've only made 2.   One of inspiring quotes, and the other of things I've learned through blogging.  They have a prompt every day/night, and you can choose to enter your idea or not.  It's your choice.  They do have a contest - where you can win 1000 dollars, or something like that - but in reality, the creative outlet they offer - while the money would be so freakin' helpful - is worth more to me.  (warning, you will become addicted to making these little brites, and you will curse knowing me.  You're welcome)

Amanda is so damn crafty.  She makes beach toys out of aluminum cans, Luminaries out of epsom salt and jars, garden signs out of little tag things, watermelon signs out of popsicle sticks, fairy houses (!!!!!!) out of garden twigs, leaves, acorns, etc, and a bird house ... and so much friggen more.  I wish I could be crafty like Amanda.  I really truly do.

This is one of my very best things in the entire world (and having friends on various different continents, in various different countries, I can actually say that!)  Jo is one of *the* most talented photographers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.  Some of my favorite photos, are hers.  Jo is an inspiration to me in so many ways, I couldn't list them all if I tried.  I wish her so much luck in this new endeavor, that she continues with her passion, and finds peace - I absolutely truly do.

I wish I can be like any of these people, someday.   Crafty ;)

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Have you ever ...

If you're a member of any online forum (that isn't a professional online forum) you've probably seen this game being played.

It starts with someone asking a question:
Have You Ever..............ate a sandwich only to discover the cheese you used was moldy?


Have You Ever.............Been so proud of something, you couldn't wait to share the news?

Or something like that.

This is a game I'm familiar with, and have been a part of.  It's also a game that I don't take seriously.  Particularly lately.  There is so much stress, and change, and frustration surrounding me right now, I fear that if I were to take 2 minutes to really think about it, and dig a minute ... into myself ... I'd probably have a minor breakdown.  So I don't allow myself to.  I use this game as a way to take a few minutes away from real life.

However, today, as I was stalking a few things on facebook, I came to the conclusion that there are quite a few things that "I Have Ever".

A few things that - while I don't actually regret - per say - I do wish they had turned out differently.   I wish life didn't show me the "real" .. I wish it had a little longer to be in denial.  Just a little.   Long enough to handle things better.  Long enough to not have to wonder - when all was said and done, if I had made the right choice.  (*disclaimer*  I DID Make the right choice, and I know I did.  I still wish it were a little different)

I wish I had the responsibility to save more, so that we wouldn't be quite so behind in the little things ... I wish I had the forethought to plan ahead when I saw change barreling down on me.  (*disclaimer* we are okay, just tightening belts more now than ever, and there have been further changes at work, that should work in my favor.  sooner rather than later)

I wish I had the answers to the questions Emily asks sometimes ... without the frustration of not having the answers brings me.  I wish I didn't have to be so hard on her, she's just a child.  However, she is a very smart child.  She is a very quick witted child.  I wish I had a minikin more patience. Just a bit more. (*disclaimer* I am working on this.  and we are *both* getting better, actually all three of us.  Slowly)

All that aside.  I have never regretted anything.  Ever.  The way I regret not being able to help my parents out.  I regret not being there now, to help them as they need it.  I regret leaving their office, leaving them behind.  I regret this.   With every fiber of my being.  And there isn't anything I can do about it.  At all.

Have I Ever .................. a simple "game" .. a simple game that makes one think.   Makes one wonder.  Would things be different If "I had ever" .. No.  It wouldn't .. It would end the same way.  No matter what - it would all be the same.

Trolling facebook tonight, I was able to do something I haven't been able to do in nearly 2 years.  I was able to reminisce ... to think back on great times, and not feel the sting.  The pain.  The "what if" .. the "Had I Ever ..." I was able to remember, and smile - and laugh at the good times, the inside jokes .. and honestly wish her well.

I haven't thought of her ... in probably 9 months.  Truly.  It used to be a daily, then weekly, then monthly occurrence.  Now?  9 months, 9 months have passed and I haven't thought about her.  9 Months. And today?  I saw a picture she had posted, and someone tagged my husband in it.  Her wedding.  and 9 months meant nothing.  Except ... it does.  It's growth.  It's acceptance.  It's Life.

I wish her well ... I have never, truly wished her anything else.  Ever.  I truly wish her nothing but everything she deserves, and more.  

Current Facebook Status:
"Reminiscing ... I'm at a point now, where I can look back on times that have passed, and not feel a sting when I remember the people that were there.

Life is different now.  I am different now.  That makes me happy."

So yes, yes I Have Ever.

Have You?

Friday, July 13, 2012

We're fine. Now.

Since I started my new job, we've had to bounce Emily between family members and daycare.   It's getting old.   It's hard on all of us, but until my pay gets back to where we are used to.

It's how we have to live.   And it sucks.

Friday, June 29th, Emily had a busy day playing with my sister and brother in law, and their four kids.  It was warm - it had been raining - and they played hard.  When I picked her up shortly before 4, her forehead felt warm.  As if she'd been running in the sun.  Recently.   Except, she hadn't been.  She had been inside, in a large air conditioned building.  For at least an hour.
Thinking nothing of it, we continued on our way, ran our errands and headed out onto the lake (our after work routine for the months of April through October. .. Ice Out to Ice In.)  After about 30 minutes or so - Em started to fall asleep.  Again, nothing new for her ... up until this year, she has fallen asleep on the boat everytime we're on it.  The way the boat moves, the sun, the fresh air, perfect nap material.
The following day, she had an appointment (more on that later) ... we had some other errands to run, and while sitting down for lunch - we received a phone call alerting us to the fact that Mike's dad was being brought to the ER by his mom.  His heart was beating a little fast, and with his history, they needed to monitor him (He is okay, he has since been sent home - and will be following up with his cardiologist) ... We went to Em's appointment, and then visited them in the ER (not my idea .. I would rather have sheltered her from seeing her grandfather hooked up to every machine imaginable, with tubes and wires and leads and monitors and crap everywhere.  It scared the shit out of her, and she was still not feeling well - so she was really really clingy to me.)  After hanging out there for a few hours (don't ask) - we headed to the lake.  The best way to unwind, we've found, is by floating the stresses away.  Ensuring we had our phones charged, and with us - in the event that we were needed, we took off and left dock.

We have a few friends on the lake (okay that's an understatement) - but so does Emily.  There are 2 kids that stay at the house next to my parents, where we dock, that have adopted her as their Summer Little Sister.  And She Loves It.  However, on this day?  She wanted nothing to do with them, the water, the boat, the sun, nothing.  She wanted to sleep.  So She did.  Again, thinking nothing of it, we continued our day.  I played with the other kids, Mike kept an eye on Em - notifying me of every whimper she uttered, and monitored her temp.  It was a steady 99.5 for the previous 30 hours.  We weren't concerned.
Backing up a touch - we got a flat tire on Friday night ... it took a few hours to get it changed (the spare was at home, and Mike had to walk 1/2 a mile to the house to get it, and then drive his truck back to us.  Then the hub wouldn't release, and it was a nightmare)  She slept through it - but we had to keep the back door of the van open, for access to the tools and what not.  Since she's allergic to bug bites, and we hadn't sprayed her with bug spray for a couple hours - we knew she'd get bit - but there was little we could do.  We covered her with towels, and kept things open as little as possible.  She ended up getting a really large swollen bite on the collar bone, that swelled the size of a golf ball - I gave her tylenol and benedryl, and we went about our business.
Keeping that in mind - it's now Saturday night at 8pm.  Emily had asked to come home.  She actually started to cry, and curled up next to me on the bench seat, and fell back asleep.  We took one loop around the lake, to let her sleep more, and headed in.  After arriving home, Em had some ramen noodle soup for dinner (half the flavor packet and 1 1/2 times the water necessary so that it wasn't as loaded with sodium.) - she ate it fine, and snuggled with us watching some silly tv to let it digest.  At 10pm, her fever had spiked to 102.6.  Not the highest she's ever had so - we went about what we would normally do.  We gave her Triamenic Fever Reducer (that had been given to us by the pediatrician the last time her fever spiked out of control - for no reason), changed her into some cooler clothes, and sent her to bed.

An hour later, as I was going about my nightly routine, I went in to kiss her goodnight again, and take her temperature.

Her room is set up a little weird.  It's a rectangle, however, there is a small cubby like area that juts over the stair case in one corner (perfect little reading nook when she's a bit bigger, now it's home to her Rose Petal Cottage).  The other, is where her closet is, and where the closet from the spare room is takes over the other half of that wall.  The part that juts out - has the light switches on it.  I turned on the light, and rounded the corner.
what I witnessed was terrifying, and I cannot explain how I kept it together, but I did.  

I will preface this by saying - Emily is Fine.  Completely 100% Healthy.  Now.
As I rounded the corner, and laid eyes on her - she was laying on her belly - her body went rigid, her back arched, her arms went to the sides, her hands curled and pointed down.  Her eye lashes fluttered, and her eyes rolled back in her head.  I knelt down next to her bed - gently put my hand on her arm, and tried to get her to talk to me.  She didn't respond.
3-5 seconds.  That's all it lasted.  3-5 seconds of pure terror.  3-5 seconds of not knowing if my child would live.  Not knowing what was going on, what to do, or how to make it stop.
Once her body went slack, I shook her a little to wake her.  She sat up right.  The following conversation occured:
M (mommy):  Em?  Are you okay?  Can you talk to mommy please?  I need you to say something.
E: (emily) Hi Momma, I'm okay.  I just .. My neck hurts, and I'm really tired.    I just want to go back to sleep okay?
M:  No, I'm sorry sweetheart, we have to go see a doctor okay?
E: Okay, can I sleep little more?
M:  Sure can, I'll carry you Ok?

At this point, I scoop my baby (who is not such a baby anymore - but a 5 yr old whose legs reach to my knees when I carry her, when the hell did she get so damn big) and Marvin (her giraffe that she cannot under any circumstances sleep without and begin the trek downstairs.

M: Hon?!  We have to go to the hospital - right now. 
D (daddy): Okay, we're going.  what do we need?  what happened? is she okay?
Halfway down the stairs:
E:  Why am I going back downstairs Mom?  (Now wide awake)
M: Because we need to go see the doctor for a bit okay?  And because it's so late, we have to go to the hospital.
E:  I don't want to go!!!
M:  I know honey, but something just happened that I can't fix.  I don't know what happened, or what to do, and Mommy needs answers okay?  You were so brave today, can you do that again for me?  Please baby?
E: Okay, I'm just gonna lay down here though - pointing to the couch - okay?
M: Sure honey.
I took her temperature again

M: (in the kitchen, out of ear shot of Em) - This can't be right, it's reading 99.9, but I took it twice - It's too low, It Cannot Be Right.  *sigh*  I think she just had a seizure, and I don't know what to do.  I've never seen anything like it.  Ever.  I'm terrified, and I need answers.
D: okay, let's go.  What do we need?
M: Keys, license, insurance card, that's it.  Let's go
it's now 11pm, one hour has passed since what I witnessed.  We enter the ER - and wait briefly until our name is called.
It is the weekend before the Fourth - and surprisingly, it's not slammed busy.  However, there is one doctor on.  One.  Not nearly enough for the patients that are apparently in rooms behind the door.

We waited a bit for the doctor to get to us - and once he did, I explained what I saw - and what her temperature change was.  It was a rapid drop, too rapid.

Dr (useless ER Dr. Brand):  I think, based on what you're describing - and looking at her now (he'd done the ear, temp, eye, and such tests) - Emily experienced a Febrile Seizure.  We're going to need to do a urinalysis, and a blood test, to rule out other things.  But generally these are harmless, and occur between 6months and 6years old.  They may only happen once, or could reoccur.
M: Okay.  Let's do it.
Dr: The nurses will be in shortly to take her to the bathroom, and again a few minutes after to take her blood.  I'll be back with the results.

An Hour Passes.  The last time Emily had to pee in a cup - it took hours.  HOURS and seriously - was the most torturous experience of my life.  She ended up peeing the moment we walked through the doors, into a "hat" (greatest invention ever) ... the ER, however, isn't equipped with this miraculous piece of plastic.  Sonsabitches. 

M:  Em?  You're going to have to pee in this cup? Okay?  They don't have a hat, and if you want to go home, you have to pee in this cup.
E:  Okay.

3 minutes later?  She's done - proudly washes her hands, and walks up to the nurse
E: You're going to be SO proud of me!! I PEED IN THE CUP!  WITH NO PROBLEMS!!  Filled it RIGHT UP!
N (nurse): Good for you!  (odd look crosses her face)
M: Last time it took hours.  Just trust me, this is huge.
N: Okay, I'll get this tested.  We'll be back in a few minutes - for the uh, next part?
M: Sounds good - Em, let's go tell daddy!

We arrive at the room, and Em regales her tale of peeing-in-the-cup to daddy.  who is beyond proud of this accomplishment.

An Hour Later.  (for those of you keeping score? It's now 1am)

A nurse and a phlebotomist wheel their equipment into the room - and freak my five year old entirely out of her tree.  She screams so loud, and carries on for so long - that I cannot calm her down.  And neither can Mike.  This only adds to the trauma of the evening for all of us.
A nurse by the name of Joe calmly walks in. He is a soldier who has recently returned from overseas.  He is a wonderful nurse, and an amazing man.  We like him.  Immediately, Emily likes him.

J: Hi.  My name is Joe.  What's yours?
E: *through wracking sobs and hiccups*  Emily Grace Mayo.  Hi Joe.
J: Would you like it if I taught you how to be brave?
E: Yes, *hiccup*, please.
J: ok, I'll be right back, hop up there with mommy okay?  She's going to help too.

A minute or so passes, and Joe returns with a warmed blanket.  He proceeds to place Emily the way he needs to her lay, and wraps her comfortably with his warm blanket - and then lays across her legs - a bit.  Not his entire weight, but enough to keep her still.

Her left arm is straight at her side, and they begin the process of removing 3 vials of blood.

J: Okay, Emily?  I want you to look right here, at me.  Keep your eyes right here.  Okay?
E: O-okay.  OWWWWWWWW IT HURTS!!!!!!!
At this point they've put the needle in her arm, and are trying to keep her calm.

J: Don't look there, look here - now, when it hurts?  Pretend you're blowing out a birthday candle.  Ready?  Go.
She does (alternating between inhaling and exhaling to the point of hyperventilating and asking if it was over, and if the needle was out yet ---), then in what seems like forever, it's over.  Joe returns with stickers, and the other 2 ladies, leave the room.  Heads bowed low, apologies whispered.  And then they're all gone.  Emily finally falls asleep, and we tuck her in on the bed.
Two Hours Later.

TWO HOURS LATER.  (these people and I - are not friends)
The doctor finally returns and tells us her white blood cell count is a little low, and they're waiting on our pediatrician to call back with some advice and answers.

20 minutes later, we're released with discharge information, and the instruction to call and make an appointment with her pediatrician ASAP.  We agree and gather our child, Marvin, paperwork, the blanket that Emily was wrapped up in (damn right we took it - okay, so Joe offered it to us to protect her from the early morning air.  Whatevs.  We have it now!! HAHA!) and what is left of our thoughts - and head for home.

It is now 320am.  We have been up since about 6am Saturday.  We are exhausted.

Emily curls right up in her bed, Mike follows suit in ours ... me?  I'm awake.  All night.  Alternating checking  on her, and googling (bad idea mom.  Especially on little to no sleep).   At 7am I called my mom, after not having made contact the night before, I wanted to explain why we called so late.  In the middle of telling her what happened - I burst into tears.  The first actual emotion - aside from slight fear - I could show in hours.

Regaling this tale is something we've time repeatedly since then it does not get easier with each telling however ... it is nothing I wish to have happen again, but am (in a sick way) glad that it did.  Now I know what to do.  Now I know how to handle the situation - the questions to ask, the things to look for, the proper (if there ever is such a thing) course of action.

I called the on call nurse of our peditatricians office a little later, and after asking more questions, and getting further answers - she has me wake Emily up, take her temperature, and see if she can touch her chin to her chest with ease, and no pain.  She can.  Her temp is 99.8, and she is pissed I woke her up.
I call my immediate supervisor, at home, and explain to her what has happened - telling her I'd be in in the morning - but may either be late, or have to leave early to take Emily in to see her doctor.  She presses for me to take the day off, but Mike has so it's not necessary.  I need to focus on other things for a little bit, and have some normal brought in my life.

I have now been up for 27 hours straight.  Since we were given instructions to stay home, lay low, and hang out in the A/C - have a "Watch Movies in your jammies day" - we had some prepping to do.  Which meant, one of us would have to leave to get some things at the store.
D: Why don't you lie down with her, and sleep while she's napping?
M: are you out of our mind?  I'm not going to be able to sleep while she's napping.   I'll be checking on her every 7 seconds.

D: Okay, here's the list. go.
M: We really need stuff at the store?
At this point, Mike hands me the keys and list, and ushers me out the door.

I run to the jewelers, and get my rings inspected (they're supposed to be done every 6 months - June & December, but I had forgotten my certificate the day before, and had to do it the following. all was fine) .. when finished, text home to see how she's doing.

Go across the parking lot to the grocery store - text again.  Get the few things on the list, rent some movies and text more.

Check out, call home - ask how they are, what they're doing, if they want something to eat.

Get Lunch for Me & Em (Mikey had left overs)

Get home, put away the groceries, and eat lunch (completely unhealthy Big Mac - but damn it I needed the comfort)

After we pop in one of the movies I rented - (I have no idea what it is, I don't think I focused enough to retain anything) - I doze off a few times, and sleep through most of whatever is on TV anyway.

We have dinner a few hours later, her fever is back but not high - at all.  She goes to bed, and shortly after she falls asleep - we head upstairs too.

After tossing and turning for 3 minutes, I decide I can't sleep in my room - what if I don't wake up and it happens again.  I go in her room, and ask her if I can snuggle with her.  She happily (groggy and still mostly sleeping) agrees, moves over, and immediately turns to snuggle my arm.

Still unable to sleep, I read on my kindle for a while, and check her temperature every 15 minutes.  just in case.  Because, you know, it could happen again, though - it probably won't.

The last time I checked her temperature was 1am.   She cracked her eye open, turned to me and whispered:
"Again Momma?  Am I okay now?  can we please sleep"

heavy sigh.  I told her yes, she immediately fell asleep and I continued my vigil   At 2am, her fever broke.   how do I know?

She was drenched in sweat, shivering, and her temperature was perfect 98.7 degrees.

Me?  Still didn't sleep.  Around 6am, she crawled out of bed, went into my room kissed her daddy, came back and told me she was awake.   I must have dozed for a bit, not long I did happen to see 5:48am across her radio.

Knowing I had to go to work for the day on hardly any sleep since Friday Night, I got up and set about my usual routine.

I arrived at work with 2 minutes to spare.   Stay until 1:30 because the doctor can see Em at 2.

Upon arrival at the doctors office, I update our paperwork (new work info) andpay an outstanding bill (thank you high deductible insurance) once we're ushered into a room, and see the doctor - and relive our tale once more .. Emily is given the all clear, she is 100% healthy.  What happened is normal.  What happened was scary.  What happened was nothing we could prevent, prepare for, see coming, nothing.  What happened.  Happened.

What happened might happen again.

this is why bouncing her from place to place?  Is really starting to worry me

To make this incredibly long, drawn out, how can I even organize a sentence story that much shorter .... She's fine.

It hasn't happened since, and thank GOD because I?  Wouldn't survive it.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

New digs? Meh, We'll See.

I started a new job.

It's not the job I originally posted about.

It is a job I know I can do, and I know I will excel at.

It was also - some consider - the easy way out.

It's not nearly what I made previously.   It's fair, to start.  There is room for growth.  There is room for advancement.

This job is almost exactly what I've done for 12 years.   There is answering phones, there is filing, there is office work, there is organizing, scheduling, returning phone calls, cleaning, getting mail, sending/receiving faxes ... this job is what I needed.  Somewhere I could excel, by doing what I know.

This job is dressier than what I'm used to.  Thankfully I don't get rid of much - in the clothing department - and had some things that still fit from my legal assistant days.  Though, I need more, and better footwear.  Soon.  Or my feet will fall off.

The job I had originally accepted (which would have been a great opportunity, but so not a great fit) was scheduled to start Monday, June 18th.  Because I was collecting unemployment, I had to continue filing for pay.  In order to collect, I had to apply for jobs - even though I had a potential start date.

Enter my new employer. 

Again, because of the regulations, laws and blahblahblah I had to follow, I wasn't putting much into this interview.  I couldn't find much on the company, and what little I did find, was confusing as hell.  I didn't go into the interview thinking it would pan out into anything other than fulfilling my obligation.

Boy Was I Wrong.

I suppose it bodes well for one, when within 30 minutes of an interview - the owner of the company says "I Want You To Work for Me" ... It speaks volumes when the person who would be your immediate supervisor chimes in with "I knew I wanted to hire you before I spoke with you, before I checked your references.  I just knew"

Here's the thing.  This is week three.  I started this blog a bit ago, and wanted to give it a bit of time before I wrote about it.

What little I've been trained in, is simple.  It's self explanatory, stuff I can do with little to no further explanation.   That said, There hasn't been much time to train me in much.  They're so incredibly busy with Government Contracts for Construction (I'll explain the caps soon) - that there isn't much time for my immediate supervisor to do anything but "Amy, please file this, scan that, email this and call this person back to schedule this."   And for the other employees to say "Amy, please get us quotes on the essential site equipment "site trailer, roll off container, porta potties, etc" and let us know what you find" .. "Amy please find lodging for our crew to utilize at the end of each day" .. all this - with no information as to what our budgets are, or the space constraints are, or anything to that effect.  That said.  I've completed each task above and beyond what they've expected.  That said, I don't feel as though I'm being challenged.  I know I need to give them more time.  The problem with that?  My immediate supervisor is leaving the 12th of July through the 18th of July for a trip to NC with her daughter (who's going to college there) and then again at some point in August for the same reason.  I'm expected to be able to hold everything down, while she's gone.

Except . there is so much more that I need to learn.  SOooooo Much More.

Our Government Contracts for Construction are the meat and potatoes of our clientele.  The second thing we do - is IT training - meaning - We train people in software.  You need to learn Adobe?  We got you.  You need to learn MicroSoft Office? On It.  Oh!  You want to take an Online Course on SharePoint?  Done.  That's the Gravy.

The Government stuff??  Sooooooo involved it frightens me.  Not enough that I question my choice, but enough that I question whether I'll be able to do what they expect of me on July 12th.   Having been there less than a month at that point, and having little to no training on certain things?  I'm a little afraid I'm going to Fail.

We'll see.  It's days away now.  All I can do is tell them I need more time.   All I can do is try.

Here's hoping it works.  I miss what I know.  I miss seeing mom and dad every day.  I miss being able to breathe.  I'm fitting in just fine, but .. I have a hard time thinking this place is fitting in with me.  It's a new piece to an already formed puzzle.  I suppose I'll get there.
Meh.  We'll See

The Time I ...

On the Disney Channel they have a "short" program called "The Time I" (or TTI for short) it's 3 minutes long, and features kids explaining "the time" they .. "fill in the blank" .. there's one about a little girl who moved from NJ to CA 3000 miles from her best friend.   There's another about a little girl who "realized her brother was different" (He has Autism).   There's yet another one about a little girl and the time she was "a lousy friend".  

There are quite a few of these "episodes" that air multiple times a day, on their many "disney" channels.

This?  This is about "The Time I ... Donated My Hair to Pantene Great Lengths"  Okay, not me.  *I* didn't have enough hair to cut off, but .. My 5 year old?  She did.

A few weeks ago, while preparing for Em's big dance recital - we were discussing how we were going to get Emily's hair cut after.  I gave her a few choices:

1) cut a few inches like we usually do, keep the length and shape.  But just a trim like usual.
2) cut it short like Momma's like she's been "begging for" 
3) cut off enough to donate to a program, that makes wigs for people who are sick, and can't grow their own.  Including little girls like her.

Then I gave her a few days to think about it.  And told her if she had any questions to ask.  

The very next day - she told my parents the following:

Emily:    Guess what Erma, Guess what Grampy!!!   I'm cutting my hair for!  And I'm going to give it to a little girl who can't grow her own!!!

E&G:  Really?!  Wow!!  That's AWESOME!!

E: Yep.  soon as my big dance day is over!

This was, of course, before I was offered, and accepted, a new job.  It was before I knew what my schedule would be.  I made the appointment for the following Wednesday, and told her to be ready.

Then I got a new job (more on that later).  So I had to reschedule the appointment, and hope the enthusiasm she was showing, didn't go away.

A few weeks later - June 30th, at 1:30pm - we arrived at Statix Salon & Spa for Emily's big day.

She hadn't been feeling well, and was sporting a low grade fever. (more on that later as well.)  However, she went through with it.  Even after daddy shed a few tears (more on that later as well.), and Ms. Andrea was finished with her client before Em, she went through with it.

8 1/2 Inches Later.  She went through with it!

She told every single person she met - before, during and after - what she was doing, and why.  

Here are a few photos of her day:



Half Way!

 Evening the Ends


The Final Product!!!

I cannot express how incredibly proud we are of her.  She made a very adult decision, with absolutely no pushing from anyone.  She asked a few questions, Why can't they grow hair, why do they need help with other peoples hair ... etc.  But in the end, less than 24 hours later, and then over the course of 3 weeks or so, she made the choice, she stuck with it, and she followed through.

She no longer looks like a "little girl" .. now?  She looks like a little lady.

Can you even stand it?!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Relay for Life - 2012

Relay for Life 2012 is in the history books.

Without any last minute donations - our team raised $ 1518.00.  above our goal!

I raised my goal amount, and managed to eek out 8 miles of walking.  At just about 430pm we had a mandatory field and track evacuation due to a severe thunder storm - including torrential downpours and winds that tore apart our camp, and many many others.  After 2 hours of rain delay, and an hour to rebuild camp - we were finally able to get underway again.

Around 10pm my knee started to act up - clicking and make all sorts of fun noises and by 1am - it was the size of a baseball.  By executive decision (my entire overnight team against me) I came home, alternated Ice & Heat, took a pain pill, and slept for about 3 hours total.

No where near the goals I had set for myself - 2 years ago I walked for 36 miles - 18 hours straight.  Last year I walked for 4 miles with a knee brace and an ice pack taped to my leg - and stayed the entire 18 hours.  This year I doubled what I walked, and went home early.

Still.  It's a success.  We raised money, and showed support to those who have lost their battles, and those still fighting.  This is something I hold dear to my heart, and will continue doing - whether my team mates continue with me or not, for as long as I am physically able.

Thank you (you know who you are) for your continued support, love and encouragement.  It definitely kept me going last night, well after I should have stopped.  I'm training in the off season - getting proper footwear - and the right sort of breathable knee brace to wear for the duration of next years Relay.

Here are a few shots I managed to capture - before the rain came back and I had to pack away the camera.

Matt - Andrea - Emily 
Sporting Handmade Tutus by "Tutus For Tatas" (Emily's dance studios Relay Team)


Jim sporting Andrea's Handmade Tutu ... they made it especially for her, right there at the Relay.

When we were finally allowed back onto the track - The Sun made her reappearance, just in time to set

One of Our Reasons We Relay - Team Tigerlilies Co-Captain & Survivor
 Melissa Clark


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Opportunity, doesn't knock on doors.

It's really hard to find time to sit and write when so much is going on in my life.   

I have potentially landed a job.  A potentially amazing opportunity, that will cause so much upheaval in our lives, that it's *almost* not worth it.  On top of that, I have a few other companies interested in me and my resume.  As hard as this has been, for me, and my family - the silver lining I have to see - is that this is a chance.  A chance to potentially try something I've never tried before --- something that I never would have gotten the chance to try otherwise.  

This Is Opportunity, Kicking In My Door.

On top of the stress, worry and the feeling of complete and utter failure ... Emily's dance recital is the 16th, of this month.  Now that dance class is coming to a close - Emily of course doesn't want to do it anymore.  Her passion has jumped to gymnastics, and singing, and anything else that her "friends" are doing.  My little Diva.

Of course, the end of dance isn't easy-breezy .. it's jam packed with unbelievable activities, including MAD rehearsal (that was last week) - for those not in the "dance world" allow me to explain this phenomenon.  briefly.  MAD Rehearsal, is where those dancers who are dancing in the finale number of the recital get together to rehearse it.  There is a reason it's called "MAD" ... At Studio 109?  That is every single student that is performing in the show.   At Studio 109?  That is Every Single Student They Have.   No Joke.   That means, it's a madhouse.  Hence the Term "MAD Rehearsal" .. it is indeed madness.  Sheer Madness.  This my second year of being a Dance Mom (not like you see on TV) didn't make it any easier.  Why?  Because I had spent the day waiting tables.   Which I hate.   Which made me irritable.  Throw me in a small, non-air conditioned mill building renovated waiting room with nearly 100 people?  Of varying ages, and personal hygiene levels?   I'm Nasty.  Angry, and Irritable.  Even more so.

On top of THAT - there was a dance class the following day.   Slightly Less Mad.  But - it's getting close to the Recital, so it's still rather mad.

Add to that - this week?  There is Picture Day.   Picture Day - means - I am responsible for Three Little Girls - Completely Made Up In Costume, With Make Up (light make up, not stage make up) .. waiting their turn to have their photos taken.    Picture Day -- means money I don't have - For pictures I really need .. You see, we're not allowed to take pictures during the show - they pay a videographer to record each dance/vocal number - and they sell them at the Recital.   More money I don't have, for a video I need.

Next week?   Dress Rehearsal.  Again, Three Completely Costumed Little Girls - with full stage make up - complete with outfit changes, and run throughs, and more run throughs ... and even MORE run throughs (where I will be taking pictures, I dare them to tell me differently.)  I will be back stage helping again this year - be it my child, and only my child, or the other girls in the class that need help getting from point A to point B -- and from costume 1 to costume 2.  Then get them to the door, on time - in order.

AND THEN - FINALLY - it's Recital Day.  Where at 6pm, my little monkey face, will again be on stage.  Dancing her little tookus off, and show everyone what she's learned this year. *where I again will be the backstage dance mom helper*  After that, it's over.  For a few months, while she battles back and forth whether she wants to dance, or she wants to do something else.  I'm pushing for Dance.  I enjoy watching her, and even though she complains, she really does enjoy the class.  The experience.  The friends she has made there.

Once dance class is over, my stress does not go down .. it does not disappear .. The weekend of the 23-24 of June, I have the Relay for Life.   This is something that is very important to me.  Something I'm incredibly passionate about.   This weekend *June 9th* we are hosting a car wash to support our team.  We're hoping for good weather, but let's be real, we can wash cars in the rain too.   After the Relay is over, I'm hoping that I will have landed somewhere, in a position I am equally passionate about, where I can be challenged, and grow...  One can hope.  Truly.

I've learned a few things ... I've learned to watch for things .. to listen.  I've learned it's okay to take chances, and sometimes, you really really have to try.  You have to put yourself out there, in order to be noticed.  To be chosen.   I'm learning from my daughter.   She puts herself out there.   On stage, with new people, making new friends, leaving an impression.  I'm learning from my parents.  In the face of the worst possible adversity, they still put others first.   They are still humble.  They are still mostly positive.  I'm learning from myself.  I can do anything I put my mind to.  I can.  And I Will.

Opportunity isn't knocking on my doors, it's kicking them in.  I hope they don't scare me, and cause me to miss them.  I hope I recognize them as the opportunities they are.  

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Finding Happy

While some of the people I'm closest to are celebrating some of lifes greatest joys - I am experiencing the hardest time I've ever encountered.

It's hard to explain how I feel, and why, to those who have no idea how to take me at my best - how to take me at my worst ... to make them understand, maybe not fully, but at least a bit.  Just a tiny bit.

Watching my parents go through all they're going through, and having to contemplate removing Emily from daycare, just to afford groceries is more than I can stand each day.  Having a decision brought against me by unemployment, for having surgery and needing to recover (doctors orders) is more than I can deal with today.

I've applied to over 100 positions.  Literally.   In person, by email, fax, mail and by internet web site.  I have had 2 interviews, neither of which have panned out.  But I'm not giving up complete hope.  I'm Not.  I can't.  I have too much riding on this.

SO during this time of despair, while I'm fighting depression and giving up (and fighting I am) ... I've gone back behind the camera lens .. at least a little.

Here are a few of my most recent captures:








Perhaps there is a little happy out there for me to find after all ..... 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Love ... in 40 Questions

1. Are you in love?
Very much so

2. What is this person’s name?

Michael Joseph Mayo, Jr

3. How long have you known this person?

quite a few years .. we've been together 12 - if that helps

4. What first attracted you to this person?

His eyes

5. Who approached who first?

I approached him

6. How long did you know this person before you were “in love”?

Hmm. it wasn't long.

7. Are you married to this person now?
Yes, Yes I am

8. What physical attribute are you most attracted to on this person?
His eyes

 9. What physical attribute on this person do you find least attractive?
His teeth (shhh)

 10. If you could change one thing about this person, what would it be?
His temper!

 11. I love when this person…
is just .. silly

 12. I hate when this person…

 13. Have you ever cheated on this person?

 14. Has this person ever cheated on you?
Never.  He's still alive

 15. Do you have any children with this person?


16. Who is the most dominate in this relationship?

We share that

17. Do you argue much?
Hahahahhaaa   is the sky blue?

18. If so, who apologizes first?

19. Which of you is the slob?
He is.

 20. Which of you is the smartest?
I am

 21. Which of you is the breadwinner?
He is  *sigh*

 22. Which of you is the most romantic?
We both are

 23. Which of you would be most likely to ask for a breakup/divorce?
neither of us

 24. What is this person’s favorite color?

 25. What is this person’s favorite number?
Good question  I'll ask.   "Umm I Don't Know??"

26. What is this person’s favorite food?
All of it.   No, just kidding.  That's me.  

His is beef.

 27. What is this person’s favorite thing to do?
 Go out on the Boat

28. What is this person’s favorite restaurant?

His Imaginary One that he's building 

29. Is this person allergic to anything?

30. Have you and this person ever broken up?
Yep.  One time.  Sort of.

 31. Do you think that you and this person spend enough time together?
OMG anymore and one of us would be dead

 32. When you are not together, who misses who the most?

I miss him more  ;)   Nah .. I think that's even.

33. Which of you would be considered the better “catch”?
Me :) ,, duh what a question!!

34. Which of you is more outgoing?
Me.  He is soooo not social

35. Which of you is more organized?

36. Which of you is the better “homemaker”?
Him.  I don't cook

37. Do you see yourself with this person in 20 yrs.?

 38. What about you do you think this person is most attracted to?

39. If this person could change one thing about you, what would it be?
Temper and My Snarky Mouth

 40. Here is you opportunity to tell this person how you feel about them…
Thank you, but - I don't need it.  I tell him every day

<3 ... Not our greatest capture, but the most recent ... <3

Monday, May 7, 2012

Get the tissues ..

When I started this blog, it was with a post regarding my cat who had literally - just passed away.  It's been 2 1/2 years now, and I miss him every day.  

We told Emily, who was 2 at the time, that his body was just too tired.  He was old, not sick, just old.  He was tired.  He loves us very much, but it was time for him to go to heaven.  

We explained, that he's not WITH us, but he's with us.  Every night, she picks the brightest star and "that's Rufus" .. she tells him she loves him, misses him, and occasionally asks why he can't come and visit.  

Last night, after spending a great day on the boat, Em was doing "papers" ... which is what she says when she sits down to do math, or writing, or draw a picture.  

With a pencil in hand, and a Crayola Drawing Pad - she carefully tore out some paper, and sat down at her desk.   This is what she handed me:


I know it's hard to make out, and it's a horrid photo of it but -- as she explained it to me:

"This is Rufus, in the stars, and me (emily) talking to him."

Yeah,  Me Too.

Friday, May 4, 2012


It's been a really, really, really hard time lately, and my mind is mush .. so .. to let you all know I'm still here, and appreciate you for sticking with me .. here are some random honest questions ... because I can give you nothing else ...

Who were you with yesterday?   
What time?  Emily, Abbi, Mom, Dad, Mike, all the kids at the day care .. 

What woke you up this morning?
Pixie.  She hasn't been feeling well lately.  poor pup is getting old

Where are you?
My home

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Lord - I hope so.

Do you like anybody?
I generally like everyone, until they give me a reason not to

Ever thrown up in public?
Yes!  When I was pregnant with Emily, I threw up in public twice

Passed out because of alcohol?
One Time

What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?
Ohhhh So Very Much

What kind of home would you like?
A Happy One <3

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Alive ... Happy, Healthy & Stable .. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Happy, Healthy, and Stable .. I hope

Do you like candy necklaces?
Not as a rule.  I think they're sort of .. germy, and sticky, and gross

Do you listen to music every day?
Every Single Day

Do you still go trick or treating?
Of Course!  I even drag Emily around in a costume to make it look all -- child official

What was the last thing you ate?
Home made Shepards Pie

Are you a fast typer?
Yes, Yes I am.

Whats your favorite type of soda?
Seltzer Water

Have you ever moved?
Yes, Five times.

Have you ever won an award?
I have!  I won spelling awards, music awards . etc.

Are you listening to music right now?
No, Real Housewives of Orange County
How long ’till your birthday?
Over a year.  It was this past Monday

When were you the saddest in your whole life?
Right now is pretty close - but when my Grammy. Nana and Aunt all passed away - 2005, 2007, 2008

What time is it?

Do you use ebay to buy or sell?

Who makes you mad?
Everyone has the potential to make me angry

Have you ever heard a song written about you?
Yep.  Emily makes up lots of songs for me :)

What do you do when you’re mad?
I yell.  A Lot.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?
Hmm. I'm not sure.  I think probably told someone I hated them, and wished harm.  Pretty nasty.

Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
I certainly have.

Do you swear when you’re mad?
I swear when I'm awake

When was the last time you actually cried?
6pm this evening

Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yep.  Last night, and probably tonight too

Do certain songs make you cry?
They don't make me "cry" persay .. but they do make me sad enough to change the station

What usually makes you cry?
not much actually

Are you usually a happy person?
Usually.  I like to think so

What makes you the happiest?
 When Em and Mike are happy ..

Do you believe in yourself?
Not anymore.

– Name:   Amy Mayo
– Birthday:  April 30, 1981
– Nickname:  Tink
– Eye Color:  Blue
– Hair Color:  Brown with blonde highlights
– Zodiac Sign:  Taurus
– Your weaknesses: Emily.  Mike.  Animals.
– Your fear:  Failure
– Your perfect pizza:   Cheese .. with or without Pineapple
– Goal you’d like to achieve:  Steady employment, in a place I love
– Your best physical feature:  My Eyes

This Or That…
– Pepsi or Coke:  Pepsi
– McDonald’s or Burger King:  McDonald's ..
– Adidas or Nike:   New Balance
– Chocolate or Vanilla:  both - together, frequently
– Cappuccino or coffee:  Iced Caramel Latte with Skim Milk & extra Caramel

Do You…
– Smoke:  Never
– Curse:   Too Much
– Sing:     I try
– Dance:  Only with Emily
– Take a shower everyday:   I wish.  Every other day is about the best I can do
– Have a crush:   I do, but don't tell him
– Want to get married:  I am
– Get motion sickness:  I Do!
– Think you’re attractive:  I don't
– Get along with your parents:  very much so

Have you ever…
- Flashed anyone:   Yes, I have.  and no, I'm not just talking about my husband
– Been beaten up:  Nope
– Shoplifted:    Never
– Eaten Sushi:  I've tried, I Can't do it.
– Been on stage:  Many Many Many Times
– Made homemade cookies:  Every Christmas
– Gone Skinny dipping:  I have.
– Stolen anything:  Never.

In the opposite sex…
– Best eye color:  Blue
– Best hair color:  Neat, Clean and Tidy
– Short hair or long hair:  Neat, Clean and Tidy

Is it easy for someone to make you smile?
It used to be.

Tell me why you like the last song you listened to? 
It was on the radio .. I don't remember what it was

What color are your eyes?

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
 My couch

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
 Two.  My husband and My father

What would your name be without the first three letters?

Last thing you touched not computer-related?
 My hair

What colors are you wearing right now?
 Pink and Purple

You currently in a fight with someone?
 Just myself.

Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

Do you have an older brother?
 I have no brothers

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
 YES!   I need to do that again

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

What are you listening to right now?
 The Real Housewives of Orange County

Do you laugh a lot?
 I used to

Are you ticklish?
 I am

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
 A bubble bath -- or boat ride

Have you ever been on a boat?
 I own a boat .. for now

Last person you gave a hug to?

Tell me about the shirt/shirts you’re wearing?
 It's purple, and it's a tank top, and it's too big :)   that makes me a little happy.

When you are home alone do you still close the door when you shower?
 Yep ... I have cats and dogs!!

Do you have plans for today?
 Not anymore, day is mostly over!

When is the last time you took a nap?
 Wednesday - after my endoscopic ultra sound

What was on your mind most today?

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
 Too Long

Do you have any siblings? Do you get along?
 I have 2 sisters .. and .. well.  Sure

What are you drinking?

Honestly, if you could go back 8 months and change something, would you?
 Soooooooooooooooo many things

Do you know what you’re wearing tomorrow?
Nope.  I'll figure it out eventually.

1. Have an obsession?
Birds.  I'm obsessed with Birds
2. Where do you plan to go this summer?
the Lake

3. What Month is it?

4. Anything big coming up?
 the Relay for Life

5. Why are you doing this?
 To pass some time

6. Like your parents?
 Love my parents

7. Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
 Yes.  But he doesn't like it when I call him that ... so, Shhhh What Mike doesn't know ....

8. Do you eat when your nervous?
 I eat when I'm awake

9. Own a dress?
 I do.  Surprised?

10. Are you a fast typer?
 I am.

11. Do you wanna have kids?
 I have one.  She's just enough :)

12. Who do you usually have Christmas dinner with?
 Touchy subject ... one year my family, one year his.  I hate this

13. Who do you celebrate New Years with?
 Whichever friends have kids, and no plans

14. Where do you live?
 In a nice house

15. Have you made a cootie catcher in your younger years?
 I have no idea what this is.  So . probably not

16. Plans this weekend?
 Relay for Life Meeting tomorrow, yard work and a boat ride.

17. To your left is:

18. To your right is:
 A table

19. In your pocket is:
 No Pockets

20. Nervous about anything?
 Life in general

21. Scared of the Dark?

22. Have any phobias?
Extreme Heights 


Favorite song?
Me & You - Kenny Chesney
Favorite Musical Genre?
I don't have one

Favorite Band?

I don't have one
Favorite solo artist?
I don't have one

Favorite instrument?
The Drums

About Your Music

What instruments can you play?

 Can you sing?
I try
 are you in a band?

Do you consider yourself a band geek?
I do.

 Do you write songs? if so about what?
I do not

Your Music Currently
What was the last song you listened to?

I don't remember
What was the last cd you bought?
The Muppets Sound Track

what was the last song you put on your ipod?
I don't have an ipod

 What was the last song you heard on the radio?
 I have no idea

Extra stuff for Fun
What was the first cd you bought?

Snow - Informer (and you're welcome because now you're singing it .. right?  I know I am)
What is your favorite musical?

what is your favorite theme song from a TV show?
The Big Bang - by Rock Mafia

 What song describes you?

Knee Deep
What song describes you and your best friend?

Beneath the Surface
What song describes your relationship or lack of?
Happy to be Stuck with You - Huey Lewis and the News

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I don't like it!

(Disclaimer:  this took place and was written in March, so far - Em is doing MUCH better)

For a few days now, my nearly 5yr old child has been complaining of tummy pain.  Not a stomach ache, not throwing up, or .. the other .. just pain.

"My tummy hurts momma" ... after eating, before eating, hours later, hours before, minutes later, minutes before .. it never seemed to matter what time of day it was, or what she'd eaten, or hadn't eaten .. there was always pain.   So we monitored her for 3 days, and when she spiked a random fever of 102.1 (and climbing) seemingly out of nowhere, we brought her to the doctor.

After a battery of tests, that all came back normal, we still have no idea what was causing her pain (it seems to have subsided now) and her fever broke on it's own, with no medicine around 830 that night, and hasn't shown up again.  Here's a little story on how the collection of material, for said battery of tests, went.

We arrive at the doctors office, a few minutes early, because we have to drop off her kindergarten paperwork (GAH!) and I'm unsure of the process, plus they have a new computer system, and all her stuff needed to be updated (even though, it has been exactly the same, for the past 5 years - literally) ... so there we are, me filling out the forms, for the millionth time .. and her .. playing on the slide to the play house that has sat in the waiting room for a century (okay, whatever, for ever then) - this story would be incomplete, however, if I left out the best part .. not only did Emily need to be seen, but so did Agnes (yes, Agnes) her stuffed dog that she made at Build-A-Bear Workshop in Portland ME last January.  This dog is now *real* (Velveteen Rabbit Real ... mmKay?) .. she gets dressed when Em does, brushes her teeth when Em does, she even eats at the table with us for every meal.  No Kidding.


Upon hearing her name called, Madame stood up, glanced at me - and then strutted down the hallway - I of COURSE had to carry her coat, and Agnes.   

"Hey, Uh Em.  What're ya doing?"
"Picking a room Mom.  Duh."

Usually, the nurse lets you through the door, and then, directs you where they would like you to go - Emily has decided, naturally, this is inappropriate, and she should be able to choose her own room .. this time, it was the "horse room".  After the initial weigh (35.4 Lbs!!!), we don't need to measure you - take her temp in the room and wait ... Dr. H came in and did his exam.   On Agnes too.

After which, he told me she'd need to pee in a cup.  
She had JUST gone when we first arrived, and normally, they let you know if they're going to need a sample, to make it as easy on the parent (to hell with the kid) as possible.

Imagine you're me - holding the little cup under your nearly five year old praying it's in the right spot - all the while she's screeching at you:
"I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!"

Me either Kiddo - Me Either.

Three Full Plastic Cups of Water and SEVEN Unsuccessful Trips to the Potty Later (in real terms, 1 hour and 22 minutes) we collected a lab slip, the negative rapid Strep Test (being sent off for further more in depth testing) ... and headed out to the lab.  Clear on the Other Side of Town.  No Joke.

Arrive, drop off what we needed to - and talk to the technician on duty, she explains about a "hat" for the toilet, it makes catching samples easier, cleaner, and quicker.  Sign Me Up.  She hands me the "hat" and away we go.

1/2 way home -- from the back seat:

E:  Mom, I need to go potty - right now, really bad.

We get home, and she finally - FINALLY - pees.  Legitimately fills the "hat" up ... and then, the specimen cup.  Awesome, you need to know this right?

We dropped it back off at the Doctors Office, and awaited results (all came back clear .. nothing showing infection, or any cause for concern - completely normal)

On the way home this is the conversation:

M:  Em, why did you suddenly have to go potty?
E:   I got to pee in a hat!
M:  Seriously?
E:   Yep.  I just wanted to pee in the hat.
M:  Seriously Eye Roll ... Sigh .... I See

Em is fine, the tummy pains went away, and the doctor seems to think she was having cramps and such because she was hungry, or ate something she didn't like ... great.  Awesome.  In other Words: We have no idea what's up - keep an eye on her, and let us know if it gets worse.

I don't like it.  Not one bit.