Friday, October 30, 2009

.. The Angsty Squirrel ..

My blog wouldn't be fair, if I didn't include those friends I met online .. well to be completely honest, that I have yet to actually "meet" .. however, whom I still consider the best friends I've ever had.   And I mean that for really realz, not even for fakey fakez.

I'll start with my TAPS friends, because, well, without one of them, this blog entry wouldn't have a title!  And also because it is in fact almost Halloween, and well - Halloween + Ghosts = Well, you know, pretty much heaven ~  HA!  Get it? .. no?  Just me then?  OK - well, moving on......

Anywho, this one's for you - CT, Ghsty, LdyG, Angel-O-Mine, SG, WEEEEW - and the rest of you goofs over there.

I used to make fun of people (Shocker, Right?) who spent all their time online, spending hours upon hours making friends with people they've never laid eyes on, aside from a computer screen - including in that group, those who chatted with web cams.  Suffice it to say, over the years, I've met some amazing people - spending hours upon hours on the computer, chatting with people, and making friends with people I've never laid my eyes upon.

NOW, that's not to say that I don't still get a giggle when someone tells me they met their significant other via an online chat group, or forum, or game site (sorry peoplez, I really do giggle each time) - because for me - there is always a chance that these wonderful friends you're spending all your time with, sort of, in this new age, new fangled way, could turn out to be certifiably insane, there are still all sorts of news stories that make this a very real possibility.

MY Friends - though we are all certifiable in our own ways - I feel comfortable enough with, to say they're not THAT sort of certifiable.  At least, not yet.  hahaha.

Without this particular group of friends, I would never make it through a work day - and when one is missing, you can tell .. it's like there is something important missing in our routine, our chat flow is off (does that really exist, a chat flow .. well, if not, I'm patenting it.  and it does now) .. Now that I can text, I have the numbers of some of these great peoplez, and do talk with them (if you can call it that) outside of the TAPS forum, and off the chit chat thread, and not during work hours, on weekends even.

To this particular group of friends .. I want to say thank you - for listening to me bitch, complain, make horrible jokes, that only I (or some of us) laugh at, for laughing at me when I need it, and laughing with me when it helps - and most of all?   For loving me for me.   Because even through a computer screen, I can't hide this fabulousness.

Heh, Happy Haunting you bunch-a-ghouls.

{{{{{{SQUIDGE}}}}}}

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(Yeah, I totally lifted that .. shhhh)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Woooo Wooooo Wooooo

Halloween is probably my second favorite Holiday - Ever.

Christmas isn't even in my top 10, at least, not yet.

Don't get me wrong, there are things I enjoy about Christmas, however, there are more that I don't - that actually grate on my nerves like sandpaper .. not even the fine grit kind, the rough, tear your skin off if you slip whilst sanding, kick ass, get the job done kind.  Yeah, Like that.

However, this blog isn't about that wretched holiday, soon enough, it will be.

This year for Halloween, we're having a small party for Emily and some of her "friends" .. the oldest child we invited, is I believe 5, and the youngest is 10 months old :) (they are sisters) .. of the 11 kids we invited (12 total including Ms Pants herself) 5 are coming, 1 of those may not, (he's been sick lately, as has his entire family) and another I'm not entirely sure, we'll see - they've been going through a lot lately, and wouldn't blame them if they cocooned themselves inside their home and waiting for the weekend to pass, quietly --- HOWEVER, I would LOVE for them to come.

So we have a ton of stuff, enough for 12 kids, and we'll have 4, maybe 5, possibly 6 - there .. but you know what - it's going to rock.   It really is.  We're decorating the hallway and entry way, so that they have to come through the ACTUAL front door, and not the side door we usually use .. we have carved pumpkins, gel sticky things all over the windows, ghost lollipops, a haunted ginger bread house, goody bags, candy bags, games, crafts, food .. we're going insane.

As well as this little soiree we're having, Emily's daycare center is having one today, she'll be trick or treating tomorrow, with her friends from daycare, and after her party, she'll be trick or treating Saturday, and helping us hand out candy to any trick or treaters we have.   Lucky little devil!

I don't know that I'll have time tomorrow to blog again, so if I don't -- have a safe and Happy Haunting Halloween, and please, take pictures!    I know I will!!



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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Work Is a Four Letter Word ...

Besides the obvious, that being writing (in case you weren't sure where I was going with that) - there are a few things in life that I enjoy immensely.

A few of those things include reading, listening to music, photography, and spending time with my family.  I enjoy it even more, if I can do more than one of those at a time.

This past weekend Mike, Emily and I went to DeMerritt Hill Farm in Lee, in an attempt to pick some late season apples.   Wouldn't you know it, the trees were bare.  They let us wander around a section of the orchard, and we were told we could pick anything off the trees we saw, and if there were any decent ones on the ground, we could take those too - at 0.50 cents a pound .. of course, there weren't any.

Though, we did have a great time wandering through the trees, giggling and taking pictures as we went.  It was a beautiful evening, one of those ... almost perfect types, where the weather is just right, the mood is perfect and the company is great.

We went later in the day, nearly 5pm, because Emily wasn't feeling well and had taken a super long nap.  And by the time we got there, she was bouncy, chipper and so ready to go.  So once we let her out of the van, it was like trying to tie down a Tasmanian devil!

After making a few jokes, and a few laps around the little portion of the orchard we were allowed in, snapping pictures as we went, we decided to head into the store to see what they had to offer for apple flavored treats, or what have you.

We ended up with 1/2 peck of cortlands and a 1/2 peck of macs - awesome baking apples.  As well as a half dozen fresh, home made apple donuts.

I don't think there is anything I enjoy more, than wandering around with Mike and Emi, and my camera .. maybe, if we had taken the dogs ;)

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Monday, October 26, 2009

Triscuit Pizzas and Paper Punchers

There comes a time, in every persons life, when they stop - and re-evaluate the people in it.

Aside from my lovely Jessi, I have few friends.  Well, to be clear, few people I call friends.

My aim with this blog, is to be happy, upbeat, and personal - though I know my first post was only one of those things - that being personal - my hope is, I can inspire those out there, like these people have inspired me.

This particular blog entry, is about another of my dear friends, without whom, my life would be empty.   She knows who she is by just reading the title, and I'm sure she's laughing, just as I was when I wrote it.

Almost 15 years ago, in the High School cafeteria, during Freshman orientation, I met a girl.  She was quiet (at the time) and seemed uncomfortable, as if she didn't feel like she belonged.  In my opinion, she seemed like me.

Let me tell you - 15 years later - that opinion was right on.   We've been friends, minus a few years she re-located, close friends, best friends, almost sisters even, ever since that day.

She was the first one other than family to hold Emily when she was born, she's the one I call when I need an ear, or email when the phones aren't an option.  Without her, I'd be a lot crazier than I am.

As time goes by, the memories of what a person has gone through, or grown up because of, dim.   They fade, the ones that held no life lessons often disappear entirely, and though it's not intentional, you forget.   You may try not to, you may "condition" yourself to remember what you hold dear, but often, it doesn't matter.  They're gone.   Of course, you'll always have glimpses, short spurts of times that you laughed like a child, or until your sides ached, or you cried.  Brief flashes of unbearable pain, or sadness.   Some of those quick moments that you've been scared - so scared you could hardly breathe.  They may come at the oddest times, the weirdest hours, and in the strangest form. 

A Movie Line.  A Book Title.  A Song Lyric.  A Phrase.

In my case, it came in the form of small crackers, with pizza sauce and cheese .. and a tool used in scrap booking, though, back when I had one - it was more for a form of vandalism, and immense laughter.

Andrea - you are my rock.  You are the reason I get through a lot of things, and though I tell you - I don't tell you often enough, thank you.  For being there for me, for having the words I NEED to hear, whether I like them or not, For Being You.

Here's to Triscuit Pizzas & Paper Punchers (often in funky shapes, ours was a cow)
I love you.

Don't Kill Me .. it's one of my favorites

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30 Seconds of Wonderful ...

OK So I haven't blogged here in a while, and thought to myself this morning, while driving to work ... There has to be SOMETHING you want out there - something that's been on your mind, anything?

And you know, there is.  Well, come on, this is me, I'm hardly quiet for long!

Two weeks, and two days ago - a very dear friend of mine got married.

This friend and I hadn't seen each other, or spoken really, in almost 10 years .. we had breakfast one day in September (the 9th actually) and it was like time hadn't passed.   She's just as wonderful now, as she was in High School (when we last saw each other).

Cheerful, beautiful, funny, charismatic .. wonderful .. Just - herself.

I couldn't let her day go by, for long, without making mention of it.

SO .. Here is her 30 seconds of wonderful .. from me.

Jessi - I wish you nothing but pure happiness and love, a lifetime of wonderful.  Remember, the best is yet to come my dear.

I'm not that great at it - but .. I have a photo manipulation program, and these are my first attempts at "color splashes" .. I hope I chose a few photographs that captured the day.

Love you Girl!


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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Title of This Blog ..

Before I head home for the night, I want to take a minute to briefly explain the title I chose for my blog.

Much like my bestest friend Andrea, music is very important to me - there are many songs that "speak" to me .. for lack of a better explanation.

Dierks Bentley has a song called "Every Mile, A Memory" ... and it is so very, very true.  I can't quite explain what I'm thinking - though, I will try.

When I was a kid, my dad was an over the road truck driver.   He was gone most days, and home briefly for a day or so of rest, before having to get going again.  Quite often, we as a family, would gather up some luggage and go with him.  We went all over the Eastern Seaboard, to each state East of the Mississippi River ... and maybe one or two on that West Bank too.

For that part of my life, Every Mile was in Fact A Memory.   Still is really.   Mike and I don't have a boat load of money, we are comfortable, and make ends meet, only barely some times - but still we work hard for what we have and make sure Emily is happy, healthy, and doesn't ever "want" the things that are important.   That being said - she doesn't always get a new toy, or book at the store, but she often gets enough.  :)  It's hard to say no to that kid.

We take "trips" in the car - we'll pack Emily up, grab the camera, and a few dollars, a change of clothes, perhaps - a different pair of shoes (just in case) and head out for the day.   Often picking a road, a random road, and seeing where it leads.

Making memories with each mile marker.  We have found some really neat places this way, some really pretty scenes, some interesting signs, or buildings.  Quaint little things, that mean more to us, since we set out to find nothing, and came upon - well - something.

It may not make sense to anyone, but me - and him - but this is a great thing for Emily to experience.  Since my dad has been out of the truck for years now, and we took family vacations, the "normal" way after he was taken out of the truck .. these memories we made driving .. stick out a little more.

Of course, as I get older, they seem to dim and fade in certain areas, but for the most part, they're there - in technicolor, just as I remember .. or the way I WANT to remember it anyway.

I love my mom and dad, and I cannot thank them enough for the values, morals and lessons they've instilled in me.  I can only hope to do the same for Emily.

Here are the lyric's to the song . . . may they touch you, even a little.

Country Roads, old theatre marquee signs;
Parkin' lots, and billboards flyin' by.
Spanish moss, little hick town squares;
Wild roses on a river bank: girl its almost like you're there

Oh, every mile, a memory; every song, another scene,
From some old movie going back in time you and me.
Every day, a page turned down; every night, a lonesome sound,
Like a freight train rollin' through my dreams:
Every mile, a memory.

Red sun down, out across the western sky,
Takes me back to the fire in your eyes.
Texas stars in a purple night.
Not seein' 'em with you baby: oh, they never do look right, no.

Every mile, a memory; every song, another scene,
From some old movie going back in time you and me.
Every day, a page turned down; every night, a lonesome sound,
Like a freight train rollin' through my dreams:
Every mile, a memory.

Funny how no matter where I run,
Round every bend I only see,
Just how far I haven't come.

Every mile, a memory; every song, another scene,
From some old movie going back in time,
Every day, a page turned down; every night, a lonesome sound,
Like a freight train rollin' through my dreams:
Every mile, a memory;
Every mile, a memory;
Every mile, a memory.



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A Quick Happy Birthday ...

I started writing this blog, talking about the weather, and then it occurred to me - though he won't ever read it (that's what happens when you have no internet at home ... hooray for being able to text now however ... yeah, I can!) - today is Mike's Birthday.

Happy Birthday Honey!   He is 32 today.   The old man.  It's hard to believe that in April, the First actually - we will be together for 10 years.  Yep.  That's right, he's stuck with me.  The crazy Bastard!

For dinner, we'll be having my favorite - Tacos.  Yep, My favorite, on HIS birthday.  Poetic justice?  Nah, over 4 years of marriage?  Yep!

I do have to stop at the store to pick him up a little something .. we haven't had the chance, Emily and I, to do much for him - so we'll get stuff done on the way home.

At any rate, on the heels of such a sad blog yesterday - I want to thank Mike.  He's been with me through thick and thin, and though we don't always act it --- we're perfect for each other.   We are perfect with each other.

To be completely cliche?  He Completes Me.

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Happy Birthday Mike.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What a way to start a blog ...

For the past 3 months, I've been getting little to no sleep each night, and cannot figure out why. My dr and I are working with new BC pills, to see if the hormones in the ones I was taking, are the root cause of the migraines I've been getting, which keep me from sleeping, and cause a weird .. pulsating .. sound .. when I lie down.

To top that all off, my 22 year old cat Rufus passed away Friday while I was at work. Leaving for the day, I knew it would be the last time I saw him alive, and I cannot come to terms with going home, and not having him there. we buried him in our yard, in a spot the sun always hits, and the birds gather near.

for 22 years, he was my constant companion. Always there when I needed a warm body to cuddle, a friend, a confidant. I know it sounds weird, he was a Cat, Amy, get a grip. But for 22 years of my 28, he was with me.

When I met Mike, when I lost friends, and relatives, when I got married, when I had Emily ... he was there.

And now, he's not. He's with me in my mind, I know, he's with me in my heart, I understand .. but .. I can't seem to grasp that this is now my reality. This is now my life.

Without Rufus.

Every day, he'd greet me at the door, and every night he'd lay with me on the couch watching TV . I'd pet his head, and he'd snuggle in. I don't have that anymore.

I had to explain to Emily when Sharkbait her goldfish died, and she was fine .. but this .. this is different, she asks for him every day, and she tells random strangers, "Rufie Died. He's outside now, in the box."

Mike built a little wooden box for him, and we wrapped him in a fluffy towel .. and really, people should get it - but .. she's 2, and I don't want to have to spend every chance I get explaining that to people. "Our cat died" .. and I get that he was 22, I do, that's ancient, and in cat years it's nearly unheard of ... however ... I really don't want to hear
"well, he was old, it was bound to happen soon" or "He lived a really great life" .. or "he was spoiled and you are a great fur-mama" .. I just want my cat.

I want him back.

I'm irrational, and I know it. I'm depressed, and I know it. and I know I'll be ok in a few days, but .. really, I'll never be the same, because Rufus is no longer here.

For 22 years, of my 28, I had the best friend a person could want. For 22 years, of my 28, Rufus helped me deal with things. What happens now? for the next 22 years? Where am I going to be without him? How am I going to deal - without him?

I know, I'm Irrational. But you know what, I can be.

Just this once, in this 5 minutes, I don't have to be anyone's mom (which - I love being), or anyone's wife (again, love it) - for this five minutes - I can be a grieving pet owner, who has lost her best friend.

Rest In Peace Rufus, you are always in my heart, always on my mind ... chase those birds, watch those leaves, lie in that sun .. I Love You.

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