Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Finding Happy

While some of the people I'm closest to are celebrating some of lifes greatest joys - I am experiencing the hardest time I've ever encountered.

It's hard to explain how I feel, and why, to those who have no idea how to take me at my best - how to take me at my worst ... to make them understand, maybe not fully, but at least a bit.  Just a tiny bit.

Watching my parents go through all they're going through, and having to contemplate removing Emily from daycare, just to afford groceries is more than I can stand each day.  Having a decision brought against me by unemployment, for having surgery and needing to recover (doctors orders) is more than I can deal with today.

I've applied to over 100 positions.  Literally.   In person, by email, fax, mail and by internet web site.  I have had 2 interviews, neither of which have panned out.  But I'm not giving up complete hope.  I'm Not.  I can't.  I have too much riding on this.

SO during this time of despair, while I'm fighting depression and giving up (and fighting I am) ... I've gone back behind the camera lens .. at least a little.

Here are a few of my most recent captures:

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Perhaps there is a little happy out there for me to find after all ..... 




Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Love ... in 40 Questions

1. Are you in love?
Very much so

2. What is this person’s name?


Michael Joseph Mayo, Jr

3. How long have you known this person?


quite a few years .. we've been together 12 - if that helps

4. What first attracted you to this person?


His eyes

5. Who approached who first?


I approached him

6. How long did you know this person before you were “in love”?


Hmm. it wasn't long.

7. Are you married to this person now?
Yes, Yes I am


8. What physical attribute are you most attracted to on this person?
His eyes


 9. What physical attribute on this person do you find least attractive?
His teeth (shhh)


 10. If you could change one thing about this person, what would it be?
His temper!


 11. I love when this person…
is just .. silly

 12. I hate when this person…
Yells.


 13. Have you ever cheated on this person?
Never.


 14. Has this person ever cheated on you?
Never.  He's still alive


 15. Do you have any children with this person?


One

16. Who is the most dominate in this relationship?


We share that

17. Do you argue much?
Hahahahhaaa   is the sky blue?


18. If so, who apologizes first?
Depends.


19. Which of you is the slob?
He is.


 20. Which of you is the smartest?
I am


 21. Which of you is the breadwinner?
He is  *sigh*


 22. Which of you is the most romantic?
We both are


 23. Which of you would be most likely to ask for a breakup/divorce?
neither of us


 24. What is this person’s favorite color?
Blue


 25. What is this person’s favorite number?
Good question  I'll ask.   "Umm I Don't Know??"


26. What is this person’s favorite food?
All of it.   No, just kidding.  That's me.  

His is beef.

 27. What is this person’s favorite thing to do?
 Go out on the Boat


28. What is this person’s favorite restaurant?


His Imaginary One that he's building 

29. Is this person allergic to anything?
Bullshit.


30. Have you and this person ever broken up?
Yep.  One time.  Sort of.


 31. Do you think that you and this person spend enough time together?
OMG anymore and one of us would be dead


 32. When you are not together, who misses who the most?


I miss him more  ;)   Nah .. I think that's even.

33. Which of you would be considered the better “catch”?
Me :) ,, duh what a question!!


34. Which of you is more outgoing?
Me.  He is soooo not social


35. Which of you is more organized?
Me.


36. Which of you is the better “homemaker”?
Him.  I don't cook


37. Do you see yourself with this person in 20 yrs.?
Yes


 38. What about you do you think this person is most attracted to?
Boobs. 


39. If this person could change one thing about you, what would it be?
Temper and My Snarky Mouth


 40. Here is you opportunity to tell this person how you feel about them…
Thank you, but - I don't need it.  I tell him every day


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<3 ... Not our greatest capture, but the most recent ... <3

Monday, May 7, 2012

Get the tissues ..

When I started this blog, it was with a post regarding my cat who had literally - just passed away.  It's been 2 1/2 years now, and I miss him every day.  

We told Emily, who was 2 at the time, that his body was just too tired.  He was old, not sick, just old.  He was tired.  He loves us very much, but it was time for him to go to heaven.  

We explained, that he's not WITH us, but he's with us.  Every night, she picks the brightest star and "that's Rufus" .. she tells him she loves him, misses him, and occasionally asks why he can't come and visit.  

Last night, after spending a great day on the boat, Em was doing "papers" ... which is what she says when she sits down to do math, or writing, or draw a picture.  


With a pencil in hand, and a Crayola Drawing Pad - she carefully tore out some paper, and sat down at her desk.   This is what she handed me:

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I know it's hard to make out, and it's a horrid photo of it but -- as she explained it to me:

"This is Rufus, in the stars, and me (emily) talking to him."

Yeah,  Me Too.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Honestly.

It's been a really, really, really hard time lately, and my mind is mush .. so .. to let you all know I'm still here, and appreciate you for sticking with me .. here are some random honest questions ... because I can give you nothing else ...

Who were you with yesterday?   
What time?  Emily, Abbi, Mom, Dad, Mike, all the kids at the day care .. 

What woke you up this morning?
Pixie.  She hasn't been feeling well lately.  poor pup is getting old

Where are you?
My home

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Lord - I hope so.

Do you like anybody?
I generally like everyone, until they give me a reason not to

Ever thrown up in public?
Yes!  When I was pregnant with Emily, I threw up in public twice

Passed out because of alcohol?
One Time

What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?
Ohhhh So Very Much

What kind of home would you like?
A Happy One <3

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Alive ... Happy, Healthy & Stable .. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Happy, Healthy, and Stable .. I hope

Do you like candy necklaces?
Not as a rule.  I think they're sort of .. germy, and sticky, and gross

Do you listen to music every day?
Every Single Day

Do you still go trick or treating?
Of Course!  I even drag Emily around in a costume to make it look all -- child official

What was the last thing you ate?
Home made Shepards Pie

Are you a fast typer?
Yes, Yes I am.

Whats your favorite type of soda?
Seltzer Water

Have you ever moved?
Yes, Five times.

Have you ever won an award?
I have!  I won spelling awards, music awards . etc.

Are you listening to music right now?
No, Real Housewives of Orange County
 
How long ’till your birthday?
Over a year.  It was this past Monday

When were you the saddest in your whole life?
Right now is pretty close - but when my Grammy. Nana and Aunt all passed away - 2005, 2007, 2008

What time is it?
9:04pm

Do you use ebay to buy or sell?
buy

Who makes you mad?
Everyone has the potential to make me angry

Have you ever heard a song written about you?
Yep.  Emily makes up lots of songs for me :)

What do you do when you’re mad?
I yell.  A Lot.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?
Hmm. I'm not sure.  I think probably told someone I hated them, and wished harm.  Pretty nasty.

Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
I certainly have.

Do you swear when you’re mad?
I swear when I'm awake

When was the last time you actually cried?
6pm this evening

Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yep.  Last night, and probably tonight too

Do certain songs make you cry?
They don't make me "cry" persay .. but they do make me sad enough to change the station

What usually makes you cry?
not much actually

Are you usually a happy person?
Usually.  I like to think so

What makes you the happiest?
 When Em and Mike are happy ..

Do you believe in yourself?
Not anymore.


– Name:   Amy Mayo
– Birthday:  April 30, 1981
– Nickname:  Tink
– Eye Color:  Blue
– Hair Color:  Brown with blonde highlights
– Zodiac Sign:  Taurus
– Your weaknesses: Emily.  Mike.  Animals.
– Your fear:  Failure
– Your perfect pizza:   Cheese .. with or without Pineapple
– Goal you’d like to achieve:  Steady employment, in a place I love
– Your best physical feature:  My Eyes

This Or That…
– Pepsi or Coke:  Pepsi
– McDonald’s or Burger King:  McDonald's ..
– Adidas or Nike:   New Balance
– Chocolate or Vanilla:  both - together, frequently
– Cappuccino or coffee:  Iced Caramel Latte with Skim Milk & extra Caramel

Do You…
– Smoke:  Never
– Curse:   Too Much
– Sing:     I try
– Dance:  Only with Emily
– Take a shower everyday:   I wish.  Every other day is about the best I can do
– Have a crush:   I do, but don't tell him
– Want to get married:  I am
– Get motion sickness:  I Do!
– Think you’re attractive:  I don't
– Get along with your parents:  very much so

Have you ever…
- Flashed anyone:   Yes, I have.  and no, I'm not just talking about my husband
– Been beaten up:  Nope
– Shoplifted:    Never
– Eaten Sushi:  I've tried, I Can't do it.
– Been on stage:  Many Many Many Times
– Made homemade cookies:  Every Christmas
– Gone Skinny dipping:  I have.
– Stolen anything:  Never.

In the opposite sex…
– Best eye color:  Blue
– Best hair color:  Neat, Clean and Tidy
– Short hair or long hair:  Neat, Clean and Tidy


Is it easy for someone to make you smile?
It used to be.

Tell me why you like the last song you listened to? 
It was on the radio .. I don't remember what it was

What color are your eyes?
 Blue.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
 My couch

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
 Two.  My husband and My father

What would your name be without the first three letters?
 Non-existent!

Last thing you touched not computer-related?
 My hair

What colors are you wearing right now?
 Pink and Purple

You currently in a fight with someone?
 Just myself.

Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
 Absolutely.

Do you have an older brother?
 I have no brothers

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
 YES!   I need to do that again

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?
 Nope.

What are you listening to right now?
 The Real Housewives of Orange County

Do you laugh a lot?
 I used to

Are you ticklish?
 I am

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
 A bubble bath -- or boat ride

Have you ever been on a boat?
 I own a boat .. for now

Last person you gave a hug to?
 Emily

Tell me about the shirt/shirts you’re wearing?
 It's purple, and it's a tank top, and it's too big :)   that makes me a little happy.

When you are home alone do you still close the door when you shower?
 Yep ... I have cats and dogs!!

Do you have plans for today?
 Not anymore, day is mostly over!

When is the last time you took a nap?
 Wednesday - after my endoscopic ultra sound

What was on your mind most today?
 Failure

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Both

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
 Too Long

Do you have any siblings? Do you get along?
 I have 2 sisters .. and .. well.  Sure

What are you drinking?
 Nothing

Honestly, if you could go back 8 months and change something, would you?
 Soooooooooooooooo many things

Do you know what you’re wearing tomorrow?
Nope.  I'll figure it out eventually.

1. Have an obsession?
Birds.  I'm obsessed with Birds
 
2. Where do you plan to go this summer?
the Lake

3. What Month is it?
 May

4. Anything big coming up?
 the Relay for Life

5. Why are you doing this?
 To pass some time

6. Like your parents?
 Love my parents

7. Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
 Yes.  But he doesn't like it when I call him that ... so, Shhhh What Mike doesn't know ....

8. Do you eat when your nervous?
 I eat when I'm awake

9. Own a dress?
 I do.  Surprised?

10. Are you a fast typer?
 I am.

11. Do you wanna have kids?
 I have one.  She's just enough :)

12. Who do you usually have Christmas dinner with?
 Touchy subject ... one year my family, one year his.  I hate this

13. Who do you celebrate New Years with?
 Whichever friends have kids, and no plans

14. Where do you live?
 In a nice house

15. Have you made a cootie catcher in your younger years?
 I have no idea what this is.  So . probably not

16. Plans this weekend?
 Relay for Life Meeting tomorrow, yard work and a boat ride.

17. To your left is:
 Mike.

18. To your right is:
 A table

19. In your pocket is:
 No Pockets

20. Nervous about anything?
 Life in general

21. Scared of the Dark?
 Nope

22. Have any phobias?
Crickets
ET
Extreme Heights 

Failure


Favorites
Favorite song?
Me & You - Kenny Chesney
 
Favorite Musical Genre?
I don't have one

Favorite Band?

I don't have one
 
Favorite solo artist?
I don't have one

Favorite instrument?
The Drums

About Your Music

What instruments can you play?
None!

 Can you sing?
I try
 
 are you in a band?
Nope

Do you consider yourself a band geek?
I do.

 Do you write songs? if so about what?
I do not

Your Music Currently
What was the last song you listened to?

I don't remember
 
What was the last cd you bought?
The Muppets Sound Track

what was the last song you put on your ipod?
I don't have an ipod

 What was the last song you heard on the radio?
 I have no idea

Extra stuff for Fun
What was the first cd you bought?








Snow - Informer (and you're welcome because now you're singing it .. right?  I know I am)
 
What is your favorite musical?
Wicked

what is your favorite theme song from a TV show?
Mobwives!
The Big Bang - by Rock Mafia


 What song describes you?




Knee Deep
 
What song describes you and your best friend?

Beneath the Surface
 
What song describes your relationship or lack of?
Happy to be Stuck with You - Huey Lewis and the News