Thursday, April 25, 2013

... EverySingleDay ...

So I've been radio silent for too long here.  (Since November 6, 2012 - as I was gently reminded a few weeks ago)

Lots of things have been happening here, some good, some great, some slit-my-wrist-in-a-bathtub ... Lots of things.

There is no secret that the last year ... or so ... has been a little more than survivable.  Barely more than survivable.

From watching family members lose things (businesses, homes, friends, marriages) to absolutely losing and nearly losing things myself, it was barely survivable.   However, thus far, we have.  We have all survived.  Thus Far.

Without reliving every gory, heartbreaking, and terrifying detail - I'll recount as much as I can because I haven't updated in a while.

In March of 2012, my parents had to close their company of 17 years.   In turn, I lost my job of 12 years.

Then on January 4th, I was laid off.  Due to the "Fiscal Cliff" the company I worked for no longer had construction work, thus claiming they no longer had need or work for me.  I was pissed.  relieved, because I was so unhappy there, but pissed .. the words they'd said, the things they promised, the work I'd done - echoed through my reeling mind.

Not only did they lay me off on a Friday Afternoon, at 230, but they walked me to my desk, stood there while I cleaned it out, and waited while I left.  They refused to allow me to finish my 1.5 hours of that shift, stating instead they'll pay me until 4, but I needed to go.  So I did.  I packed my meager belongings (I hadn't yet made that place home .. it didn't feel like home, and I'd learned from having to pack up an office of 12 years, the less stuff, the better --- those boxes remain packed up, in stacks, in our spare room) and left.   Seething.  Bubbling under the surface.   But relieved.

They weren't nice people.   They never took responsibility for anything they did, instead, saw fit to blame everyone else, whenever they could.  I should have seen the writing on the wall.  I should have listened to the others that were working there.  They all left, of their own accord, in September & October.  Instead, I stayed on.  Hoping they were wrong, hoping it would change, and start to feel like home.  Instead, I was blindsided.  They'd just had a Christmas party, thanked us all, and given us bonuses (some more than others) and handed out door prizes (A popcorn machine, a WII and a 42 inch flat screen TV -- the 3 employees who were there the longest ended up "being the lucky ticket holders" - the rest of us were given gift certificates to a Frozen Yogurt place.  It was kind, it was nice, it was rigged) .. they just said they had the best year on record, and were continuing to grow.  We were in it together, for the long haul.

Except they were no longer growing, and we certainly weren't in it together.

Back on unemployment, Emily home with me in the afternoon .. she hated it.  I hated it.  Not spending time with each other, we did some fun things, had some times with some great friends, but never the less - we hated this "in between" time.  This "will we make it" time.  Times were tough as it was, still trying to recover from the nearly 8 dollar an hour cut in pay, plus the months of unemployment - and here we were, just when things were starting to look up, there goes that damn rug again.

I sulked.  I whined.  I bitched.  I moaned.  But mostly, I watched HuluPlus and Netflix.   I searched for jobs, sent out resumes, took phone call interviews, I even went so far as to apply with a temp agency.  (who is still calling me 2 months later, trying to "place" me ... when I've told them in no uncertain terms, I am employed, please use your resources for those that need the help).  Every.Single.Day.

Now?  I am gainfully, happily, healthily Employed.

That's right.  I am loving my job.   seriously, Loving.

I am now employed by the University of New Hampshire.  Not bad for a kid people said would never amount to anything.  Not bad for a girl who never went to college on her own.   Not bad for someone who thought she was going to drown in all the sorrow of the past year.   Who still has to find the courage and strength to swim against that current more often than she cares to admit.  Not Bad At All.

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I even have a title.  No, really.  Ready?

Amy Mayo
Business Service Assistant II for the Business Service Center for the College of Liberal Arts at the University of New Hampshire (BSA II, for the COLA BSC at UNH for short) ... I am also the Telecommunications Account Manager for the Business Service Center for the College of Liberal Arts at the University of New Hampshire (or TAM, for the COLA BSC at UNH for short) I have an alphabet!  Well, okay, not the entire alphabet, but damn I'm getting close!

I wake up each day, and I'm not dreading the drive in.  I'm not dreading the co-workers. I'm not dreading the work.  I wake up each day, and while I don't exactly vault out of bed, I don't lollygag as much as I used to.

AND?   I get to see things like this:

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Every Single Day.

I am happy.
I am healthy.
I am different.

and also?
This:

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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Fill it Out. you know you want to

Can you fill this out without lying?
You need to answer all the questions HONESTLY.

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
 Penis. Just kidding... no but really. I'm sorry. --- this answer was just too good to change :)

2.Where was your profile picture taken?
My favorite place in the world - our boat, on the lake

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
 Nope

4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
Mary Jo

5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
11pm-ish .. couldn't sleep

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Nope

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yep

 8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
That's a tough one .. everyone has moved recently .. Brandie is still the closest I think

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Meh, depends on the Ex and what caused the "EX" status

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
Eh

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Tuesday, April 16th

12. Who took your profile picture?
I did

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Emily and Mike


14. Was yesterday better than today?
Not so far.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
Nope

16. Are you upset about anything?
The state of the world I am raising my daughter in.


17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Absolutely

18. Are you a bad influence?
Yep

19. Night out or night in?
Nice night out followed by the remainder of the night in.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Music.  whatever I'm using to play IHeartRadio.com

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My Mommy.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Your reg is all set if you get pulled over"

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Pretty dang good

24. Do you hate anyone right now?
I do not hate anyone.  ever.  I am indifferent to a few people. but hate? No

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Old messages ... messages about baby showers, friends who are adopting, the upcoming Relay, and yard sale site purchases

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Damn skippy -- I even have someone you can call to administer testing - if you need!!

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Nope.  I'm blissfully Imperfect

28. What song is stuck in your head?
1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White T's

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Someone who clearly doesn't want to live

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
Nope

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Work.  Which I'm loving .. A LOT

32. Do you think too much or too little?
Too Much

33. Do you smile a lot?
I do the best I can