It's really hard to find time to sit and write when so much is going on in my life.
I have potentially landed a job. A potentially amazing opportunity, that will cause so much upheaval in our lives, that it's *almost* not worth it. On top of that, I have a few other companies interested in me and my resume. As hard as this has been, for me, and my family - the silver lining I have to see - is that this is a chance. A chance to potentially try something I've never tried before --- something that I never would have gotten the chance to try otherwise.
This Is Opportunity, Kicking In My Door.
On top of the stress, worry and the feeling of complete and utter failure ... Emily's dance recital is the 16th, of this month. Now that dance class is coming to a close - Emily of course doesn't want to do it anymore. Her passion has jumped to gymnastics, and singing, and anything else that her "friends" are doing. My little Diva.
Of course, the end of dance isn't easy-breezy .. it's jam packed with unbelievable activities, including MAD rehearsal (that was last week) - for those not in the "dance world" allow me to explain this phenomenon. briefly. MAD Rehearsal, is where those dancers who are dancing in the finale number of the recital get together to rehearse it. There is a reason it's called "MAD" ... At Studio 109? That is every single student that is performing in the show. At Studio 109? That is Every Single Student They Have. No Joke. That means, it's a madhouse. Hence the Term "MAD Rehearsal" .. it is indeed madness. Sheer Madness. This my second year of being a Dance Mom (not like you see on TV) didn't make it any easier. Why? Because I had spent the day waiting tables. Which I hate. Which made me irritable. Throw me in a small, non-air conditioned mill building renovated waiting room with nearly 100 people? Of varying ages, and personal hygiene levels? I'm Nasty. Angry, and Irritable. Even more so.
On top of THAT - there was a dance class the following day. Slightly Less Mad. But - it's getting close to the Recital, so it's still rather mad.
Add to that - this week? There is Picture Day. Picture Day - means - I am responsible for Three Little Girls - Completely Made Up In Costume, With Make Up (light make up, not stage make up) .. waiting their turn to have their photos taken. Picture Day -- means money I don't have - For pictures I really need .. You see, we're not allowed to take pictures during the show - they pay a videographer to record each dance/vocal number - and they sell them at the Recital. More money I don't have, for a video I need.
Next week? Dress Rehearsal. Again, Three Completely Costumed Little Girls - with full stage make up - complete with outfit changes, and run throughs, and more run throughs ... and even MORE run throughs (where I will be taking pictures, I dare them to tell me differently.) I will be back stage helping again this year - be it my child, and only my child, or the other girls in the class that need help getting from point A to point B -- and from costume 1 to costume 2. Then get them to the door, on time - in order.
AND THEN - FINALLY - it's Recital Day. Where at 6pm, my little monkey face, will again be on stage. Dancing her little tookus off, and show everyone what she's learned this year. *where I again will be the backstage dance mom helper* After that, it's over. For a few months, while she battles back and forth whether she wants to dance, or she wants to do something else. I'm pushing for Dance. I enjoy watching her, and even though she complains, she really does enjoy the class. The experience. The friends she has made there.
Once dance class is over, my stress does not go down .. it does not disappear .. The weekend of the 23-24 of June, I have the Relay for Life. This is something that is very important to me. Something I'm incredibly passionate about. This weekend *June 9th* we are hosting a car wash to support our team. We're hoping for good weather, but let's be real, we can wash cars in the rain too. After the Relay is over, I'm hoping that I will have landed somewhere, in a position I am equally passionate about, where I can be challenged, and grow... One can hope. Truly.
I've learned a few things ... I've learned to watch for things .. to listen. I've learned it's okay to take chances, and sometimes, you really really have to try. You have to put yourself out there, in order to be noticed. To be chosen. I'm learning from my daughter. She puts herself out there. On stage, with new people, making new friends, leaving an impression. I'm learning from my parents. In the face of the worst possible adversity, they still put others first. They are still humble. They are still mostly positive. I'm learning from myself. I can do anything I put my mind to. I can. And I Will.
Opportunity isn't knocking on my doors, it's kicking them in. I hope they don't scare me, and cause me to miss them. I hope I recognize them as the opportunities they are.