Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Here's to Making Every Second Count ...

Yesterday was quite possibly, one of THE hardest days I've had on record.  From a daycare worker being let go for a problem she can't get under control, to a former co-worker/friend passing away in a car accident on the side of the highway, to having a current co-worker let go for really bad things - I can't really discuss that in great detail here, suffice it to say it was a really - really - REALLY hard decision on all parts.

With the loss of a teacher, a co-worker and a friend all within an 8 hour span, I found myself fighting depression again.  It makes you wonder, "what if" ... what if I'd gotten in touch with Geoff sooner?  What if I'd gotten Ms. S help, or offered more than I did?   What if BG Employee was confronted sooner?   Would the end result be the same?

Sadly, very - truly - deeply - sadly, I know the end result would have been the same, in all three cases - there is nothing you can do to change the course of your destiny, if you've put that course into action - inevitably, the end is going to be the same.  Or at least, that's the way I feel lately.

Some people, a lot more people than those that actually admit it - have problems, addictions, that they can't get a handle on without help, and they often times, can't reach out for that help - and grasp it firmly.  They have more issues than what they show.    They have more problems, than they themselves can get a handle on.  They need the help they so often refuse.  Whether it be substance addictions, hoarding addictions, obsessive compulsive addictions, fear addictions ... addictions they don't know how to face.   Addictions they can't seem to ask for help in facing.

With Geoff, and his loss, it hits hard - for a few reasons.  We'd lost touch for a few years, and recently reconnected through the loss of another of his friends.  We have a common friend, and I happened upon his page accidentally when looking at Shawn's page.  Geoff and I were private investigators together, no, really - it's true.  We worked together for nearly a year - and he helped me grasp the fundamentals of being a great investigator.  His tapes, were among the most professional - the most informative, I'd ever witnessed, and I know he helped a lot of people.

His son, Geoffrey Jr. - has lost his Dada.   Has lost the one person, that I know, who would teach him things, that a lot of people wished their parents taught them.  He has lost his best friend, and he doesn't even know it. Geoffrey is four years old.  Geoff was 40.   Life, will never be the same for that little boy.  Never.  I wish I could turn back the clock, and see Geoff one more time.   I'd tell him to make sure he wore his seatbelt - that even though I know he lived for Geoffrey, I'd make sure he remembered to survive for Geoffrey too.  No matter the sacrifice to his comfort, or his happiness.  Geoff is never going to be forgotten, he made an impact on my world, and I know, a lot of others as well.

Take this time, not to live for tomorrow, to live for right now.   
Here's to making every second count.

Rest in Peace Geoff, may you always shine down of Geoffrey, and offer him guidance in his darkest hours.


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