It's been quite a while since my last blog, and while - no I haven't started the renovations to my room yet - that will come, soon - I have something else I wanted to share with my handful of readers.
Sometime back (around 8 months or so, but whose counting?) my "best friend" sent me a message on my face book, stating we had grown apart, and should go our own separate ways in life - to which I responded, if that's the way you feel - I wish you well in life - followed by a prompt deletion from my friends list and a quick add to my blocked list, I was angry. For a long time, I was angry. And hurt. And who wouldn't be? 10 years of friendship, and that's the way she chose to "end" it. The kicker was, it's not the first time she'd "ended" our friendship - specifically via electronic mail. It was, in fact, the fourth. I know, color me the dense one.
The difference this time? I let go. I didn't fight, I didn't call, text, email, message - I didn't try to make amends, I didn't try to understand - I just let her go. This time, I saw what was happening, and knew I was worth more.
It took me a while after, right around I'd say - 4 months, if that - to come to grips with my new life without her, and her entire family, in it. I was finally able to think about her without anger, or hurt even. I was able to start remembering (though, not often) the good times with a smile, instead of the hurt of not being able to ever "top" a memory. I had finally moved on, completely, and I was - am - okay.
Now, nearly 8 months later, in the midst of a family thing (no worries, I'm okay), I find out she has reached the point of "Crap, I effed up" (as she usually does) ... and clearly, realized I have her blocked - yet tried anyway. Okay here's the latest - and I'm beyond proud. For real.
Saturday, on the way to the store, Mike had told me he was having a "sad day" and didn't really know why, he attributed it to the nasty weather (rainy, and cold) that we were having. A few hours later, while I was getting ready to attend my Uncles services, he decided to tell me why he was so sad. Not wanting to add any further stress to my day, he was trying to wait until the following day to share with me what was on his mind. Me, being the "stubborn, hate waiting" kind of a person, told him - you're stressing me out by NOT telling me what, but that you have somethingbothering you. This is what he shared.
"I want to show this to you, but I don't want you to be stressed"
(last names have been removed for privacy .. I'd hate it if someone - anyone - posted my name, attached to anything on a blog that I knew nothing about, without my permission)
March 5 at 12:46am
Hey, mikey! I know you don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to say that we miss you guys. I think of you often and wonder how you all are doing. How's Emily? How's Amy? How are you? And everything else.
I wish we could fix this, but I don't think we can, can we?
I do hope this finds you all doing well.
Right, as soon as I saw her name - my heart stopped. Literally - ceased to beat - for approximately 30 seconds, my breath caught, and my hands started shaking. Per usual, there is no apology. No accepting responsibility for her own actions, her own words - just a feeling the waters sort of message, to see how badly she had in fact messed up. (and you know? That message she sent - that I responded to? Yeah, I JUST deleted that the other day ...)
When I got my breath back, and processed what she wrote - I read Mike's response.
March 5 at 7:26am
I miss you guys every day. You were my best friends, but your right, I don't think this is fixable. It seems like you are too willing to give up our friendships and every time you do it hurts both me and Amy, and I can't let Emily get that close to some one and then have them not want us in their lives. We both love you guys and wish nothing but the best, and we are still bound thru John and our past so in a way we will always be in each others lives. Good bye. Mikey
I could not have said it better myself. I am so proud of my husband, and the man he is - you have to understand. That family, has been in his life - for the better part of 25 years. No joke, no exaggeration, they were like a second family to him. So, to have her do this to his wife - not once, twice, or even three times - but FOUR TIMES - over the course of 10 years, was devastating to him. I could understand, after reading those messages, why he was having such a sad day. He, being the amazing father and husband he is, put us first .. I know he's dying to see her girls, as I am. I know he's dying to get Emily over there to see his "second family" - as I am. Or - at least ... was.
Had this message come 4 months ago? 5 months ago? The out come may have been different - I may have rolled over, HE may have rolled over .. This way? Mike got the closure he needed, and in a way, so did I.
** I have edited and reposted this blog 3 or 4 times, and I can't turn off the effing highlight crap. If you know how, please share!! **