Just when you think you have a handle on things ...

Life slaps you in the face with reality.

I had this .. witty, cute, rhetorical post all prepared in my brain on Saturday morning .. all about family gatherings, and the stresses of the Holidays, making sure you visit each family as you are supposed to, and delegating time with loved ones ... and then ... I get a phone call that stops me in my tracks.

You know the kind?  They take your breath away, without so much as a hesitation .. it's gone .. and you're left wondering - did I hear what I think I heard?  But you don't want it to be repeated, you want to think you're mind is playing an awful trick on you.  You want to believe everything is as it should be, and question your own sanity, for just a brief moment.

Yep.  One of those Phone Calls.  (they deserve capital letters, since my life will never be the same.)  Sounds dramatic, but .. I haven't slept well since I got That Phone Call.  That one call.  3 minutes, and life is different.

Let me paint the scene ... Saturday started like any other Saturday, we got up, got dressed, and headed to J&J's for breakfast.  We ate, joked around with the kids that work there (yeah, they're mostly my age, but they're still kids) stopped in to see Mike's grandparents up the road a bit, and headed to Portsmouth to get some clothes for Emily (who is growing like a weed, mind you) at Old Navy for their "Gobblepalooza Sale" .. on our way home, we stopped at Lowes got the stuff we needed to finish the outlet near the front porch, and got the rest of the "Christmas" (which is just decorations ... but to Emily, it's ALLLLLL Christmas) ..

I talked to my mom a bit and then Mike, Emi and I got lunch and headed home.

A couple hours later, I got "the Call" from my sister - she asked if I had spoken to mom, I replied I had - she asked when.   I told her about an hour or so ago - which it was - and that we were going to check the generator at their house, and Mom said not to worry about it - Katie stopped me and said, I just got off the phone with her, she and dad passed Ft. Jackson and sent me a photo of it ... I called to thank them, and Mom was crying.

: Enter Breath Taking Moment :

"Howie died today"

With those three words, my world stopped .. I can't imagine what those three words did to Kim, or Molly, or Adam, or any of his friends, or other family members .. but they stopped my world, cold.

See, Howie - was one of my dads best friends.  Howie was the owner of Granite Steak and Grill .. and Windjammers restaurants in Rochester .. Howie, was amazing.  One of the MOST genuine, honest, loyal, hard working, lovable guys I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I will never forget the times I was blessed to share with him, I will never forget his smile, his laugh, his voice ... But most of all, I will never forget the simple things he taught me - without even trying.

Rest in Peace Howie.
May your smile shine down on us when we need it,
and your hand lay upon our shoulders to guide us.
.. Loved by all who knew you ..
I am honored to be among the many.

Howard "Howie" Seckendorf

http://www.fosters.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20091130/GJNEWS_01/711309886

(a really nice article about Howie and his accomplishments)

The devil birds that live in my wall ...

That's not even just a clever little title, it's my life.  Sort of.

SO there is an emergency exit right behind my desk.  It's big, and green, and rickety, and sufficiently creepy.  I'm terrified - that's an understatement - beyond terrified of heights, well, extreme ones .. ladders, roof lines, etc.

Anyway, there are these - birds - apparently, they are European Swallows or Sparrows or something like that, that have taken up residence in my wall above said door - and have been tormenting me for six or more months.  Today, the boys downstairs, noticed a bird was stuck   In the powerlines - where they go from the pole to the building ... under that .. weather hood thing?   There.  This bird, is dangling from her foot, and has been there all day.

PSNH has refused to help us - and there are no other places (I have literally called them all) that can help us, until PSNH steps up.

This sucks.

That lives inside my head ...

As promised, here is the continuation of my Bucket List post.

The stuff I've already done ...

- Build a house .. no, not just any house - my dream house ...

Two years later - still my dream house <3

- See a Bald Eagle, in the Wild ...

Gorgeous, Isn't it?

- Be in a Best Friends Wedding ...

LOL two of them were already married at this point, so THANKS B!! hahaha <3

- Watch my daughter dance in the rain ...

Two years later, and she is still my greatest accomplishment <3

- See the Boston Pops Live ...

( Sadly, I don't have any pictures of this concert, I don't think my camera was working at that point.  And if I DO have photos, they aren't on this PC )

- See the Globetrotters Live ...

I Have - twice - and both times, I took pictures, but for some reason --- I don't have them on my PC

(ALSO - both times I won the tickets hahaha)

- See Kenny Chesney, Keith Urban, Brad Paisley and Dierks Bentley .. Live .. In Concert

(those are Kenny's Hands .. yeah .. sigh I Love His Hands)

(that's both Dierks AND Brad)

- Be a part of Relay For Life .. in loving memory of Grammy, Joni and all those lost, and those strong, unbelievable Survivors - Like Melly Mel.

So my List of "accomplishments" so to speak .. isn't very long, but I'm proud of the things I've done, and MOST of the people I surround myself with - some of them, that I surround myself with out of necessity, not enjoyment.   You know the ones.

So again, I wish you all, my faithful readers (read: Friends) ... the chance to complete your bucket list, and the ease at which to do it.

May you find a place, that brings you absolute peace - or if you can't find that place, at least a photo that shows it.

.. With Love and Squidges ..

<3

Do you know the Bucket List, the Bucket List, The Bucket List?

So I haven't blogged in quite a while, and though there are reasons for it, I don't feel like delving into them at the moment - rest assured, faithful readers, I will . just not right now.

I was watching the shuttle launch today, and I got to thinkin' .. I've read that Nasa is planning on stopping the shuttle program, right quickly here, and I have never seen the shuttle launch - live, in person .. just live, on TV.  It also got me to thinkin' about other things I've never seen, or done, or what have you.   That I'd love to do or see .. or what have you .. man I need new phrases.

Anywho - this is going to be my "Bucket List" .. for those of you that don't know what a Bucket List is: (from the movie .. so sad BTW) .. "A List of things you wish to do, or see, before you kick the bucket" .. I know, sounds morbid .. but still .. here it is, in no particular order:

- See each and every Covered Bridge located in NH, and photograph them.

- Take Emily to Disney .. Both of them.

- See The World, or at least, more of it.

- Get my photographs published - or used in a publication.

- Get my writing published - or used in a publication.

- Go on a real live Paranormal Investigation with some of my very best friends.

 - Have enough money, one day, to pay my bills, and not have to stress about where the next meal is going to come from - for more than 6 months ... (we're close .. we're SO close).

- Meet my Internet Besties.

- See the Shuttle Launch, and/or Return, Live, In Person.

- Watch all the Harry Potter Movies, in one sitting .. Yeah, I know .. Epic.

- Have a clutter free home .. sigh .. not with a minion!!

- Be able to help my friends, when they need it ... with more than just emotional and physical support.

- Write a best selling novel.

- See the Grand Canyon.  In Person.

- Swim off the coast of Australia.

- Be trustworthy, responsible and accountable, enough for my parents to semi-retire, or retire, and leave me in charge ..... hehehe ......

- Get Along with my in laws ...

OK so that last one, it's more of a wish than a Bucket List Item ... I'm sure I'll update this as time passes, and the next blog entry I do, will be the bucket list items I've already achieved ...

May you all reach the end of your Bucket Lists .. and never see a need to rush through them.

Love You All. <3

Pen Pals and PSP

I haven't been feeling "myself " lately .. and no, I don't mean it like THAT Jolene! .. For a few weeks before Rufus' passing, I started feeling .. down.  Almost, like I couldn't get myself fully awake in the morning, and I would suffer all day because of it.   I've since decided, this is inappropriate behavior and it must come to an end.

In my last entry, I focused my cyber-love on my Taps friends .. today, I'd like to focus on those friends from the many PSP groups, and the many years spanning that silly, now expensive, "stress buster" hobby of mine.  (have no fear, the Halloween Party post will be up soon .. I promise ..)

Those of you who don't PSP or know anything about it, or what it could be or do or what-have-you, won't understand the quote marks around the Stress Buster phrase.  Allow me to quickly delve into the crazy world that is my hobby.

PSP - or Paint Shop Pro, is one of the many graphics art programs out there, it's more popular than others, because while expensive, it's not nearly as expensive as some others - and it's (IMO) a little easier to get to know and use.  A lot of people use Photoshop, and this does the same thing - sort of.  I don't know all the ins and outs, or how it's all used, but what I DO know of it, I somewhat enjoy.

Now, I know I promised a "quick delve" but those of us that use this program, or do the PSP thing - know there isn't anything "quick" about it.   The "stress buster" portion of this program, for me, at least - comes when I've finished a "tag" and like it enough to give to a friend, or offer it up for request .. I've been doing this .. Tagging thing .. for nearly 5 years now (Can you believe it!?) and I still suck (IMO) as much today, as I did 5 years ago.

While I was investigating this program, and playing around with it for my "Free 60 day Trial" .. I happened upon some Groups in what was once the "place" to be on the internet - MSN Groups .. one of those groups, the very first one I ever joined, was Jazzy Jo's Tags .. we affectionately, still to this day, call it "Jazzy's" .. once there, after I had "lurked" for an undetermined amount of time, posting the necessary posts to remain a member .. I got comfortable enough to "make friends" .. and unbelievably, to myself, some of these people remain my very best friends to this day.

Three of which, I'd like to focus on for a bit.   All of which, live across the country (or South LOL) and are older than me, however, I still consider them like family.

The first of which is Kari --- Kari lives clear on the other side of the country in Washington State, has a gorgeous little girl named Sophia, and a wonderful husband named David.   Without Kari, there are things I know I would never have made it through.  Ever.  Without question, Kari has always been there .. whether it's on the phone, or through an IM or through the Emails .. or the wonders of Facebook and Myspace ... Kari has always been there.  She hasn't had the best time for her entire life, and had some issues of her own at times, and even still - she put mine first, at least, she always made me feel like she did - and I really have no doubt, it's what actually happened.   I love you Kari, now and always - Sisters forever.

Next, of my lovely three, is Ellen .. Ellen - there really are no words to describe this incredible lady.   Through her own trials and tribulations, she has also always been there for me, and even when I'm not the greatest friend on the planet (I really do still have that ornament I had made .. to mail to you .. LMFAO) .. she's always there to make sure I'm ok.  To make sure I have what I need, and if I don't - to help me get it.  We have more in common, than a lot of people think - or care to believe.  She has a daughter that is younger than me, but .. never makes me feel like because she could be my mom, she is - she makes me feel like an equal.  Like a Friend.   Always there when I call her, always there when I need her - She cares more for Emily than I think a lot of my other friends do, and makes sure I know how wonderful Emi really is.   Ellen - there is no way I could ever thank you enough, for all you have done for me.   I Love You - Now and Always, Sisters Forever.

And finally, with no introduction needed is my Bad Ass - Jo .. She is My Bad Ass.  for real.  She cuts through the crap, and makes sure you know what's what - and makes sure her loved ones, are taken care of - whether it be through a facebook message, or a 9 page letter that has been mailed to a friend .. (can't wait to tear into it .. btw) .. Jo is the one that I turn to, whether I write it out or not, when I need inspiration.   Unbeknown to her, she is the reason I started photography again .. she is the reason I started this blog (in a way) ... In the past 5 years, I've gotten to know Jo in a different way (again, Jolene, not that way!) ... we've grown a lot closer .. we used to be pen pals, back when Ward 9 was open, and even before that I think .. before the Forum take over ... we swapped Scrap Booking stuff, and letters, and in general life stories .. we've started up again, the three of us, writing to each other (Kari, Ellen - look out in the next week or so .. yours are coming!!) .. and I don't think there is a proper way to thank someone, for re-igniting your passion for two hobbies that make you feel good about yourself --- for me, photography and writing.   Though, this blog is my attempt.   Jo - don't ever forget how important you are to me, ever .. there is no possible way on this planet, that I would have picked up my camera again, and started "Shooting" without you.   Just because I only recently told you that, doesn't make it any less true.   You are amazing .. you are incredible, and I love you - now and always, Sisters forever.

While it's not a 9 page letter .. it's my attempt at letting my faithful readers know how important you three are.  Without you in my life, it wouldn't be the same.

Pen Pals & PSP .. two things my life would be empty without.

I Love You All.