Tuesday, January 11, 2011

2010 ... a year of ...

I couldn't sleep much Thursday night, to be clear - the 30th.  I slept from about 10 to about 12, and then, I was awake.  Tossing and turning, thinking, planning, plotting ... outlining this very blog.  True Story.

I had 120 different titles, 138 different subjects, a mass of different things I wanted to touch on.   Not one of them struck me as "perfect subject matter" on their own.  So I've decided to do a compendium of sorts, so to speak.

A list, in no particular order that shows me, and others, what 2010 was to me.  To finish this sentence:

2010, was, is, has been a year of:

I am blessed with a phenomenal family, and a phenomenal core group of friends who never fail to make me smile, and laugh, when I'm least expecting it.  Which is when I need it most.  This past year, I laughed a lot more than I expected to - especially towards the end of summer, when life handed me a pretty tough lesson.  It hurts when you discover a friend isn't truly the friend you thought they were, and I'm very lucky to have made it through that lesson with my laughter in tact.  I can't thank my friends and family enough for that, and I only hope that one day, I can repay that to them in full.

Not everything in life is guaranteed.   We lost our biggest contract, that we have held, and serviced to the best ability we had in the end of October.  We have managed to keep all of our employees on hand, with the exception of 3 who had left of the own accord for other opportunities.  It has reminded us all that no matter what is said, until it is in writing, and the deal is done, nothing is guaranteed.

Being a mother, you learn something new everyday - as a human, you should anyway, but as a mom, you do.  Emily continues to teach my things, and I can't believe how blessed I am to have such a beautiful, happy, healthy, intelligent little girl.  Watching her experience new things each day, is like experiencing them myself, for the very first time - all over again.  This year we took her to Story Land, we took her to her first "concert" - Yo Gabba Gabba - we took her to the beach, we played mini golf, we went boating - every single day that we could - and we had an amazing time.   Each experience opened us up to opportunities of repeat "trips" this year, and for a few years to come.  Not to mention the already growing "must do list" of 2011.  Don't get me wrong, she's far from an angel, but - she's perfect to me.

Mike and I celebrated 2 rather significant anniversaries in 2010.  We celebrated the fact that we've been together, as an "us" for 10 years this past April.  We also celebrated our 5th Wedding Anniversary this past September.  Being together for as long as we have, hasn't been easy.  And I expect it to get a little harder as we get older.  Currently we're in the "let's have another baby" stage - or, rather, he is.  I'm not.  Yet.  If we wait until we are "financially ready" we wouldn't even have Emily.  I have some issues to work out, and some things to deal with - so to speak - before I even think about adding to our family, and hopefully - he's okay with that.  either way, I'm not ready to spare any of the love I have, and receive - selfish, I know.

This one's hard.  I've accepted a few things in 2010, that I never thought I'd ever have to accept.  Which means, in a way, I've grown.  I have accepted myself.   That is a huge accomplishment for me, and I explain it a little further down.  I've accepted my friends - the real ones - for who they are, and what they are to me.  I've accepted some losses, tough to take, but accepted none the less.  I've accepted a new role in my life.  I'm Amy.  I've accepted that even though I'll never be 100% of anything, I can divide my time, energy and self up to be many things, to many people, and that includes myself.

Things may not be as you want them to be, right now - I know they aren't for me - but it makes you stop and think, and take a quick look back on what you've been through, where you've been - and where you are going.  You are only as good as you believe yourself to be.  I've learned that this past year.  I'm really hard on myself, and I often put myself down (as much as I hate that phrase, it's true).  I've realized that, and I'm working on it.  I'm at least one pant size down, not to mention bra size (much to Mike's chagrin, I'm sure!), and I'm feeling great about myself.  It's been a while since I've been happy to actually admit that out loud.  Aside from my "living healthier" state of mind, I've cut quite a bit of dead weight out of my life.  That alone, makes me walk taller and stand straighter.  I know I'm a better person because of what I've left behind.  That's quite a realization.

In 2010 I found understanding.  More like - I learned how to be understanding.  As I stated earlier, I had learned a valuable lesson about friendship last year, and on top of that - I understood.  People grow, they change, they open their eyes and realize while 10 years ago you may have been the perfect fit - one day may come along when that changes.   That's okay.  In the long run, you're better off.  I understand that now.  Months after the hurt, anger, sadness and frustration ebb away - you're left with understanding.  I get it.  I'm okay.  I'm better actually.  I don't need the drama, the frustration, the irritation, the questions.  I don't need it.  I Understand, and I am Okay.

2010 had a lot of ups and downs.  I'm happy to report there were far more ups, than downs.  For me, and those I love.   My younger sister got married, and discovered she was going to be a mom this Summer.  My older sister saw all four of her children off to school, for the first time in 5 years - she has time to herself during the day.  My mom and dad have decided to take more time off.  Time they well deserve.  A very dear friend of mine became an I-ya again, this time - to a perfectly beautiful little girl.  My bestest friend in the entire world - all the way in Tennessee - and her husband had the pleasure of welcoming her husband's children into their lives - for the first time - in years.  While it hasn't all been rainbows and butterflies, it's a wonderful journey that I am proud to be a part of.  My hosebeast?  She realized, just as I did, that sometimes - just sometimes - you're better off without those you thought you couldn't live without.  She got to see her favorite band, and is planning another trip to see them this year.  Me?  Just knowing my friends and family are happy?  Makes me the happiest I've Ever Been.

All around, I'd say 2010 was a year of Growing.   

May the best of 2010 - be the worst of 2011 ... <3


Jessi said...

I liked this one. Perfect start to a new year.. new you ;) I Love you just the way you are.

Ellen said...

Pretty amazing year Amy...so much to be grateful for dear friend. I love everything you write but really love all that you've shared here so much. Love you so very much, always. <3