Relay for Life - 2012

Relay for Life 2012 is in the history books.

Without any last minute donations - our team raised $ 1518.00.  above our goal!

I raised my goal amount, and managed to eek out 8 miles of walking.  At just about 430pm we had a mandatory field and track evacuation due to a severe thunder storm - including torrential downpours and winds that tore apart our camp, and many many others.  After 2 hours of rain delay, and an hour to rebuild camp - we were finally able to get underway again.

Around 10pm my knee started to act up - clicking and make all sorts of fun noises and by 1am - it was the size of a baseball.  By executive decision (my entire overnight team against me) I came home, alternated Ice & Heat, took a pain pill, and slept for about 3 hours total.

No where near the goals I had set for myself - 2 years ago I walked for 36 miles - 18 hours straight.  Last year I walked for 4 miles with a knee brace and an ice pack taped to my leg - and stayed the entire 18 hours.  This year I doubled what I walked, and went home early.

Still.  It's a success.  We raised money, and showed support to those who have lost their battles, and those still fighting.  This is something I hold dear to my heart, and will continue doing - whether my team mates continue with me or not, for as long as I am physically able.

Thank you (you know who you are) for your continued support, love and encouragement.  It definitely kept me going last night, well after I should have stopped.  I'm training in the off season - getting proper footwear - and the right sort of breathable knee brace to wear for the duration of next years Relay.

Here are a few shots I managed to capture - before the rain came back and I had to pack away the camera.

Matt - Andrea - Emily 

Sporting Handmade Tutus by "Tutus For Tatas" (Emily's dance studios Relay Team)

Jim sporting Andrea's Handmade Tutu ... they made it especially for her, right there at the Relay.

When we were finally allowed back onto the track - The Sun made her reappearance, just in time to set
 
 

One of Our Reasons We Relay - Team Tigerlilies Co-Captain & Survivor
 Melissa Clark

Opportunity, doesn't knock on doors.

It's really hard to find time to sit and write when so much is going on in my life.   

I have potentially landed a job.  A potentially amazing opportunity, that will cause so much upheaval in our lives, that it's *almost* not worth it.  On top of that, I have a few other companies interested in me and my resume.  As hard as this has been, for me, and my family - the silver lining I have to see - is that this is a chance.  A chance to potentially try something I've never tried before --- something that I never would have gotten the chance to try otherwise.  

This Is Opportunity, Kicking In My Door.

On top of the stress, worry and the feeling of complete and utter failure ... Emily's dance recital is the 16th, of this month.  Now that dance class is coming to a close - Emily of course doesn't want to do it anymore.  Her passion has jumped to gymnastics, and singing, and anything else that her "friends" are doing.  My little Diva.

Of course, the end of dance isn't easy-breezy .. it's jam packed with unbelievable activities, including MAD rehearsal (that was last week) - for those not in the "dance world" allow me to explain this phenomenon.  briefly.  MAD Rehearsal, is where those dancers who are dancing in the finale number of the recital get together to rehearse it.  There is a reason it's called "MAD" ... At Studio 109?  That is every single student that is performing in the show.   At Studio 109?  That is Every Single Student They Have.   No Joke.   That means, it's a madhouse.  Hence the Term "MAD Rehearsal" .. it is indeed madness.  Sheer Madness.  This my second year of being a Dance Mom (not like you see on TV) didn't make it any easier.  Why?  Because I had spent the day waiting tables.   Which I hate.   Which made me irritable.  Throw me in a small, non-air conditioned mill building renovated waiting room with nearly 100 people?  Of varying ages, and personal hygiene levels?   I'm Nasty.  Angry, and Irritable.  Even more so.

On top of THAT - there was a dance class the following day.   Slightly Less Mad.  But - it's getting close to the Recital, so it's still rather mad.

Add to that - this week?  There is Picture Day.   Picture Day - means - I am responsible for Three Little Girls - Completely Made Up In Costume, With Make Up (light make up, not stage make up) .. waiting their turn to have their photos taken.    Picture Day -- means money I don't have - For pictures I really need .. You see, we're not allowed to take pictures during the show - they pay a videographer to record each dance/vocal number - and they sell them at the Recital.   More money I don't have, for a video I need.

Next week?   Dress Rehearsal.  Again, Three Completely Costumed Little Girls - with full stage make up - complete with outfit changes, and run throughs, and more run throughs ... and even MORE run throughs (where I will be taking pictures, I dare them to tell me differently.)  I will be back stage helping again this year - be it my child, and only my child, or the other girls in the class that need help getting from point A to point B -- and from costume 1 to costume 2.  Then get them to the door, on time - in order.

AND THEN - FINALLY - it's Recital Day.  Where at 6pm, my little monkey face, will again be on stage.  Dancing her little tookus off, and show everyone what she's learned this year. *where I again will be the backstage dance mom helper*  After that, it's over.  For a few months, while she battles back and forth whether she wants to dance, or she wants to do something else.  I'm pushing for Dance.  I enjoy watching her, and even though she complains, she really does enjoy the class.  The experience.  The friends she has made there.

Once dance class is over, my stress does not go down .. it does not disappear .. The weekend of the 23-24 of June, I have the Relay for Life.   This is something that is very important to me.  Something I'm incredibly passionate about.   This weekend *June 9th* we are hosting a car wash to support our team.  We're hoping for good weather, but let's be real, we can wash cars in the rain too.   After the Relay is over, I'm hoping that I will have landed somewhere, in a position I am equally passionate about, where I can be challenged, and grow...  One can hope.  Truly.

I've learned a few things ... I've learned to watch for things .. to listen.  I've learned it's okay to take chances, and sometimes, you really really have to try.  You have to put yourself out there, in order to be noticed.  To be chosen.   I'm learning from my daughter.   She puts herself out there.   On stage, with new people, making new friends, leaving an impression.  I'm learning from my parents.  In the face of the worst possible adversity, they still put others first.   They are still humble.  They are still mostly positive.  I'm learning from myself.  I can do anything I put my mind to.  I can.  And I Will.

Opportunity isn't knocking on my doors, it's kicking them in.  I hope they don't scare me, and cause me to miss them.  I hope I recognize them as the opportunities they are.  

Finding Happy

While some of the people I'm closest to are celebrating some of lifes greatest joys - I am experiencing the hardest time I've ever encountered.

It's hard to explain how I feel, and why, to those who have no idea how to take me at my best - how to take me at my worst ... to make them understand, maybe not fully, but at least a bit.  Just a tiny bit.

Watching my parents go through all they're going through, and having to contemplate removing Emily from daycare, just to afford groceries is more than I can stand each day.  Having a decision brought against me by unemployment, for having surgery and needing to recover (doctors orders) is more than I can deal with today.

I've applied to over 100 positions.  Literally.   In person, by email, fax, mail and by internet web site.  I have had 2 interviews, neither of which have panned out.  But I'm not giving up complete hope.  I'm Not.  I can't.  I have too much riding on this.

SO during this time of despair, while I'm fighting depression and giving up (and fighting I am) ... I've gone back behind the camera lens .. at least a little.

Here are a few of my most recent captures:

Perhaps there is a little happy out there for me to find after all ..... 

Love ... in 40 Questions

1. Are you in love?
Very much so

2. What is this person’s name?

Michael Joseph Mayo, Jr

3. How long have you known this person?

quite a few years .. we've been together 12 - if that helps

4. What first attracted you to this person?

His eyes

5. Who approached who first?

I approached him

6. How long did you know this person before you were “in love”?

Hmm. it wasn't long.

7. Are you married to this person now?
Yes, Yes I am

8. What physical attribute are you most attracted to on this person?
His eyes

 9. What physical attribute on this person do you find least attractive?
His teeth (shhh)

 10. If you could change one thing about this person, what would it be?
His temper!

 11. I love when this person…
is just .. silly

 12. I hate when this person…
Yells.

 13. Have you ever cheated on this person?
Never.

 14. Has this person ever cheated on you?
Never.  He's still alive

 15. Do you have any children with this person?


One

16. Who is the most dominate in this relationship?

We share that

17. Do you argue much?
Hahahahhaaa   is the sky blue?

18. If so, who apologizes first?
Depends.

19. Which of you is the slob?
He is.

 20. Which of you is the smartest?
I am

 21. Which of you is the breadwinner?
He is  *sigh*

 22. Which of you is the most romantic?
We both are

 23. Which of you would be most likely to ask for a breakup/divorce?
neither of us

 24. What is this person’s favorite color?
Blue

 25. What is this person’s favorite number?
Good question  I'll ask.   "Umm I Don't Know??"

26. What is this person’s favorite food?
All of it.   No, just kidding.  That's me.  
His is beef.

 27. What is this person’s favorite thing to do?
 Go out on the Boat

28. What is this person’s favorite restaurant?


His Imaginary One that he's building 

29. Is this person allergic to anything?
Bullshit.

30. Have you and this person ever broken up?
Yep.  One time.  Sort of.

 31. Do you think that you and this person spend enough time together?
OMG anymore and one of us would be dead

 32. When you are not together, who misses who the most?


I miss him more  ;)   Nah .. I think that's even.

33. Which of you would be considered the better “catch”?
Me :) ,, duh what a question!!

34. Which of you is more outgoing?
Me.  He is soooo not social

35. Which of you is more organized?
Me.

36. Which of you is the better “homemaker”?
Him.  I don't cook

37. Do you see yourself with this person in 20 yrs.?
Yes

 38. What about you do you think this person is most attracted to?
Boobs. 

39. If this person could change one thing about you, what would it be?
Temper and My Snarky Mouth

 40. Here is you opportunity to tell this person how you feel about them…
Thank you, but - I don't need it.  I tell him every day

<3 ... Not our greatest capture, but the most recent ... <3

Get the tissues ..

When I started this blog, it was with a post regarding my cat who had literally - just passed away.  It's been 2 1/2 years now, and I miss him every day.  

We told Emily, who was 2 at the time, that his body was just too tired.  He was old, not sick, just old.  He was tired.  He loves us very much, but it was time for him to go to heaven.  

We explained, that he's not WITH us, but he's with us.  Every night, she picks the brightest star and "that's Rufus" .. she tells him she loves him, misses him, and occasionally asks why he can't come and visit.  

Last night, after spending a great day on the boat, Em was doing "papers" ... which is what she says when she sits down to do math, or writing, or draw a picture.  

With a pencil in hand, and a Crayola Drawing Pad - she carefully tore out some paper, and sat down at her desk.   This is what she handed me:

I know it's hard to make out, and it's a horrid photo of it but -- as she explained it to me:

"This is Rufus, in the stars, and me (emily) talking to him."

Yeah,  Me Too.

Honestly.

It's been a really, really, really hard time lately, and my mind is mush .. so .. to let you all know I'm still here, and appreciate you for sticking with me .. here are some random honest questions ... because I can give you nothing else ...

Who were you with yesterday?   
What time?  Emily, Abbi, Mom, Dad, Mike, all the kids at the day care .. 

What woke you up this morning?
Pixie.  She hasn't been feeling well lately.  poor pup is getting old

Where are you?
My home

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Lord - I hope so.

Do you like anybody?
I generally like everyone, until they give me a reason not to

Ever thrown up in public?
Yes!  When I was pregnant with Emily, I threw up in public twice

Passed out because of alcohol?
One Time

What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?
Ohhhh So Very Much

What kind of home would you like?
A Happy One <3

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Alive ... Happy, Healthy & Stable .. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Happy, Healthy, and Stable .. I hope

Do you like candy necklaces?
Not as a rule.  I think they're sort of .. germy, and sticky, and gross

Do you listen to music every day?
Every Single Day

Do you still go trick or treating?
Of Course!  I even drag Emily around in a costume to make it look all -- child official

What was the last thing you ate?
Home made Shepards Pie

Are you a fast typer?
Yes, Yes I am.

Whats your favorite type of soda?
Seltzer Water

Have you ever moved?
Yes, Five times.

Have you ever won an award?
I have!  I won spelling awards, music awards . etc.

Are you listening to music right now?
No, Real Housewives of Orange County
 
How long ’till your birthday?
Over a year.  It was this past Monday

When were you the saddest in your whole life?
Right now is pretty close - but when my Grammy. Nana and Aunt all passed away - 2005, 2007, 2008

What time is it?
9:04pm

Do you use ebay to buy or sell?
buy

Who makes you mad?
Everyone has the potential to make me angry

Have you ever heard a song written about you?
Yep.  Emily makes up lots of songs for me :)

What do you do when you’re mad?
I yell.  A Lot.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?
Hmm. I'm not sure.  I think probably told someone I hated them, and wished harm.  Pretty nasty.

Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
I certainly have.

Do you swear when you’re mad?
I swear when I'm awake

When was the last time you actually cried?
6pm this evening

Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yep.  Last night, and probably tonight too

Do certain songs make you cry?
They don't make me "cry" persay .. but they do make me sad enough to change the station

What usually makes you cry?
not much actually

Are you usually a happy person?
Usually.  I like to think so

What makes you the happiest?
 When Em and Mike are happy ..

Do you believe in yourself?
Not anymore.


– Name:   Amy Mayo
– Birthday:  April 30, 1981
– Nickname:  Tink
– Eye Color:  Blue
– Hair Color:  Brown with blonde highlights
– Zodiac Sign:  Taurus
– Your weaknesses: Emily.  Mike.  Animals.
– Your fear:  Failure
– Your perfect pizza:   Cheese .. with or without Pineapple
– Goal you’d like to achieve:  Steady employment, in a place I love
– Your best physical feature:  My Eyes

This Or That…
– Pepsi or Coke:  Pepsi
– McDonald’s or Burger King:  McDonald's ..
– Adidas or Nike:   New Balance
– Chocolate or Vanilla:  both - together, frequently
– Cappuccino or coffee:  Iced Caramel Latte with Skim Milk & extra Caramel

Do You…
– Smoke:  Never
– Curse:   Too Much
– Sing:     I try
– Dance:  Only with Emily
– Take a shower everyday:   I wish.  Every other day is about the best I can do
– Have a crush:   I do, but don't tell him
– Want to get married:  I am
– Get motion sickness:  I Do!
– Think you’re attractive:  I don't
– Get along with your parents:  very much so

Have you ever…
- Flashed anyone:   Yes, I have.  and no, I'm not just talking about my husband
– Been beaten up:  Nope
– Shoplifted:    Never
– Eaten Sushi:  I've tried, I Can't do it.
– Been on stage:  Many Many Many Times
– Made homemade cookies:  Every Christmas
– Gone Skinny dipping:  I have.
– Stolen anything:  Never.

In the opposite sex…
– Best eye color:  Blue
– Best hair color:  Neat, Clean and Tidy
– Short hair or long hair:  Neat, Clean and Tidy


Is it easy for someone to make you smile?
It used to be.

Tell me why you like the last song you listened to? 
It was on the radio .. I don't remember what it was

What color are your eyes?
 Blue.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
 My couch

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
 Two.  My husband and My father

What would your name be without the first three letters?
 Non-existent!

Last thing you touched not computer-related?
 My hair

What colors are you wearing right now?
 Pink and Purple

You currently in a fight with someone?
 Just myself.

Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
 Absolutely.

Do you have an older brother?
 I have no brothers

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
 YES!   I need to do that again

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?
 Nope.

What are you listening to right now?
 The Real Housewives of Orange County

Do you laugh a lot?
 I used to

Are you ticklish?
 I am

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
 A bubble bath -- or boat ride

Have you ever been on a boat?
 I own a boat .. for now

Last person you gave a hug to?
 Emily

Tell me about the shirt/shirts you’re wearing?
 It's purple, and it's a tank top, and it's too big :)   that makes me a little happy.

When you are home alone do you still close the door when you shower?
 Yep ... I have cats and dogs!!

Do you have plans for today?
 Not anymore, day is mostly over!

When is the last time you took a nap?
 Wednesday - after my endoscopic ultra sound

What was on your mind most today?
 Failure

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Both

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
 Too Long

Do you have any siblings? Do you get along?
 I have 2 sisters .. and .. well.  Sure

What are you drinking?
 Nothing

Honestly, if you could go back 8 months and change something, would you?
 Soooooooooooooooo many things

Do you know what you’re wearing tomorrow?
Nope.  I'll figure it out eventually.

1. Have an obsession?
Birds.  I'm obsessed with Birds
 
2. Where do you plan to go this summer?
the Lake

3. What Month is it?
 May

4. Anything big coming up?
 the Relay for Life

5. Why are you doing this?
 To pass some time

6. Like your parents?
 Love my parents

7. Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
 Yes.  But he doesn't like it when I call him that ... so, Shhhh What Mike doesn't know ....

8. Do you eat when your nervous?
 I eat when I'm awake

9. Own a dress?
 I do.  Surprised?

10. Are you a fast typer?
 I am.

11. Do you wanna have kids?
 I have one.  She's just enough :)

12. Who do you usually have Christmas dinner with?
 Touchy subject ... one year my family, one year his.  I hate this

13. Who do you celebrate New Years with?
 Whichever friends have kids, and no plans

14. Where do you live?
 In a nice house

15. Have you made a cootie catcher in your younger years?
 I have no idea what this is.  So . probably not

16. Plans this weekend?
 Relay for Life Meeting tomorrow, yard work and a boat ride.

17. To your left is:
 Mike.

18. To your right is:
 A table

19. In your pocket is:
 No Pockets

20. Nervous about anything?
 Life in general

21. Scared of the Dark?
 Nope

22. Have any phobias?
Crickets
ET
Extreme Heights 
Failure


Favorites
Favorite song?
Me & You - Kenny Chesney
 
Favorite Musical Genre?
I don't have one

Favorite Band?

I don't have one
 
Favorite solo artist?
I don't have one

Favorite instrument?
The Drums

About Your Music

What instruments can you play?
None!

 Can you sing?
I try
 
 are you in a band?
Nope

Do you consider yourself a band geek?
I do.

 Do you write songs? if so about what?
I do not

Your Music Currently
What was the last song you listened to?

I don't remember
 
What was the last cd you bought?
The Muppets Sound Track

what was the last song you put on your ipod?
I don't have an ipod

 What was the last song you heard on the radio?
 I have no idea

Extra stuff for Fun
What was the first cd you bought?








Snow - Informer (and you're welcome because now you're singing it .. right?  I know I am)
 
What is your favorite musical?
Wicked

what is your favorite theme song from a TV show?
Mobwives!
The Big Bang - by Rock Mafia

 What song describes you?




Knee Deep
 
What song describes you and your best friend?

Beneath the Surface
 
What song describes your relationship or lack of?
Happy to be Stuck with You - Huey Lewis and the News

I don't like it!

(Disclaimer:  this took place and was written in March, so far - Em is doing MUCH better)

For a few days now, my nearly 5yr old child has been complaining of tummy pain.  Not a stomach ache, not throwing up, or .. the other .. just pain.

"My tummy hurts momma" ... after eating, before eating, hours later, hours before, minutes later, minutes before .. it never seemed to matter what time of day it was, or what she'd eaten, or hadn't eaten .. there was always pain.   So we monitored her for 3 days, and when she spiked a random fever of 102.1 (and climbing) seemingly out of nowhere, we brought her to the doctor.

After a battery of tests, that all came back normal, we still have no idea what was causing her pain (it seems to have subsided now) and her fever broke on it's own, with no medicine around 830 that night, and hasn't shown up again.  Here's a little story on how the collection of material, for said battery of tests, went.

We arrive at the doctors office, a few minutes early, because we have to drop off her kindergarten paperwork (GAH!) and I'm unsure of the process, plus they have a new computer system, and all her stuff needed to be updated (even though, it has been exactly the same, for the past 5 years - literally) ... so there we are, me filling out the forms, for the millionth time .. and her .. playing on the slide to the play house that has sat in the waiting room for a century (okay, whatever, for ever then) - this story would be incomplete, however, if I left out the best part .. not only did Emily need to be seen, but so did Agnes (yes, Agnes) her stuffed dog that she made at Build-A-Bear Workshop in Portland ME last January.  This dog is now *real* (Velveteen Rabbit Real ... mmKay?) .. she gets dressed when Em does, brushes her teeth when Em does, she even eats at the table with us for every meal.  No Kidding.

Upon hearing her name called, Madame stood up, glanced at me - and then strutted down the hallway - I of COURSE had to carry her coat, and Agnes.   

"Hey, Uh Em.  What're ya doing?"

"Picking a room Mom.  Duh."

Usually, the nurse lets you through the door, and then, directs you where they would like you to go - Emily has decided, naturally, this is inappropriate, and she should be able to choose her own room .. this time, it was the "horse room".  After the initial weigh (35.4 Lbs!!!), we don't need to measure you - take her temp in the room and wait ... Dr. H came in and did his exam.   On Agnes too.

After which, he told me she'd need to pee in a cup.  

*groan* 

She had JUST gone when we first arrived, and normally, they let you know if they're going to need a sample, to make it as easy on the parent (to hell with the kid) as possible.

Imagine you're me - holding the little cup under your nearly five year old praying it's in the right spot - all the while she's screeching at you:
"I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!"

Me either Kiddo - Me Either.

Three Full Plastic Cups of Water and SEVEN Unsuccessful Trips to the Potty Later (in real terms, 1 hour and 22 minutes) we collected a lab slip, the negative rapid Strep Test (being sent off for further more in depth testing) ... and headed out to the lab.  Clear on the Other Side of Town.  No Joke.

Arrive, drop off what we needed to - and talk to the technician on duty, she explains about a "hat" for the toilet, it makes catching samples easier, cleaner, and quicker.  Sign Me Up.  She hands me the "hat" and away we go.

1/2 way home -- from the back seat:

E:  Mom, I need to go potty - right now, really bad.

We get home, and she finally - FINALLY - pees.  Legitimately fills the "hat" up ... and then, the specimen cup.  Awesome, you need to know this right?

We dropped it back off at the Doctors Office, and awaited results (all came back clear .. nothing showing infection, or any cause for concern - completely normal)

On the way home this is the conversation:

M:  Em, why did you suddenly have to go potty?
E:   I got to pee in a hat!
M:  Seriously?
E:   Yep.  I just wanted to pee in the hat.
M:  Seriously Eye Roll ... Sigh .... I See

Em is fine, the tummy pains went away, and the doctor seems to think she was having cramps and such because she was hungry, or ate something she didn't like ... great.  Awesome.  In other Words: We have no idea what's up - keep an eye on her, and let us know if it gets worse.

I don't like it.  Not one bit.