I don't like it!

(Disclaimer:  this took place and was written in March, so far - Em is doing MUCH better)

For a few days now, my nearly 5yr old child has been complaining of tummy pain.  Not a stomach ache, not throwing up, or .. the other .. just pain.

"My tummy hurts momma" ... after eating, before eating, hours later, hours before, minutes later, minutes before .. it never seemed to matter what time of day it was, or what she'd eaten, or hadn't eaten .. there was always pain.   So we monitored her for 3 days, and when she spiked a random fever of 102.1 (and climbing) seemingly out of nowhere, we brought her to the doctor.

After a battery of tests, that all came back normal, we still have no idea what was causing her pain (it seems to have subsided now) and her fever broke on it's own, with no medicine around 830 that night, and hasn't shown up again.  Here's a little story on how the collection of material, for said battery of tests, went.

We arrive at the doctors office, a few minutes early, because we have to drop off her kindergarten paperwork (GAH!) and I'm unsure of the process, plus they have a new computer system, and all her stuff needed to be updated (even though, it has been exactly the same, for the past 5 years - literally) ... so there we are, me filling out the forms, for the millionth time .. and her .. playing on the slide to the play house that has sat in the waiting room for a century (okay, whatever, for ever then) - this story would be incomplete, however, if I left out the best part .. not only did Emily need to be seen, but so did Agnes (yes, Agnes) her stuffed dog that she made at Build-A-Bear Workshop in Portland ME last January.  This dog is now *real* (Velveteen Rabbit Real ... mmKay?) .. she gets dressed when Em does, brushes her teeth when Em does, she even eats at the table with us for every meal.  No Kidding.

Upon hearing her name called, Madame stood up, glanced at me - and then strutted down the hallway - I of COURSE had to carry her coat, and Agnes.   

"Hey, Uh Em.  What're ya doing?"

"Picking a room Mom.  Duh."

Usually, the nurse lets you through the door, and then, directs you where they would like you to go - Emily has decided, naturally, this is inappropriate, and she should be able to choose her own room .. this time, it was the "horse room".  After the initial weigh (35.4 Lbs!!!), we don't need to measure you - take her temp in the room and wait ... Dr. H came in and did his exam.   On Agnes too.

After which, he told me she'd need to pee in a cup.  

*groan* 

She had JUST gone when we first arrived, and normally, they let you know if they're going to need a sample, to make it as easy on the parent (to hell with the kid) as possible.

Imagine you're me - holding the little cup under your nearly five year old praying it's in the right spot - all the while she's screeching at you:
"I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!"

Me either Kiddo - Me Either.

Three Full Plastic Cups of Water and SEVEN Unsuccessful Trips to the Potty Later (in real terms, 1 hour and 22 minutes) we collected a lab slip, the negative rapid Strep Test (being sent off for further more in depth testing) ... and headed out to the lab.  Clear on the Other Side of Town.  No Joke.

Arrive, drop off what we needed to - and talk to the technician on duty, she explains about a "hat" for the toilet, it makes catching samples easier, cleaner, and quicker.  Sign Me Up.  She hands me the "hat" and away we go.

1/2 way home -- from the back seat:

E:  Mom, I need to go potty - right now, really bad.

We get home, and she finally - FINALLY - pees.  Legitimately fills the "hat" up ... and then, the specimen cup.  Awesome, you need to know this right?

We dropped it back off at the Doctors Office, and awaited results (all came back clear .. nothing showing infection, or any cause for concern - completely normal)

On the way home this is the conversation:

M:  Em, why did you suddenly have to go potty?
E:   I got to pee in a hat!
M:  Seriously?
E:   Yep.  I just wanted to pee in the hat.
M:  Seriously Eye Roll ... Sigh .... I See

Em is fine, the tummy pains went away, and the doctor seems to think she was having cramps and such because she was hungry, or ate something she didn't like ... great.  Awesome.  In other Words: We have no idea what's up - keep an eye on her, and let us know if it gets worse.

I don't like it.  Not one bit.