Today is Bittersweet ..

Today, Rufus, my dear sweet kitty, would have been 23 years old.  Insane, Right?  In 15 short days, it will be 6 months exactly since I lost him.

Today is also 10 years since Mike and I started dating.  I know you don't celebrate "dating" anniversaries once you're married, but I think this one is a pretty snazzy milestone.  

So today is a very bittersweet day for me, while celebrating our milestone, we'll also be celebrating Rufus' life - and what he brought to our lives.  It still amazes me the impact his loss has had on me.  When you procure a pet, a lot of people don't realize what they'll do for them.  

Anyway, in celebration of our 10 years together .. wow, that's insane - 10 years .. I thought I'd write a little but about our first date :) hehe.

Here it goes .. Technically, our first date was March 31st, we saw "Remember the Titans" at "Chunky's" (which is now Smitty's) in Sanford, Maine.  The movie wasn't the greatest 'date movie' but we had a good time anyway.  He was playing with the silverware on the table - a WICKED pet peeve of mine - I put my hand over his to "silence" it - sort of.  Let me give you the lay out of "Chunky's" .. They have seats from cars - like Lincolns, I believe - that recline, roll and all that fun stuff, instead of theater seats.  There is a long table in the middle.   Each table seats 8 people, you can sit next to someone, but when the movie starts, and you turn your chair to watch it, they end up behind you.  He sat across the table from me.  It's a place where you can order a meal (alcoholic beverages ARE available as well, though, back then I wasn't 21) and watch a movie.  Dinner and a Movie becomes a one stop shop.  

OK So - he was playing with the silverware, and I placed my hand over his to sort of stop him ... He glanced at me from the side and sort of smirked.  He slid his hand out from under mine, and instead, put his on top and sort of squeezed a little.   That was the first time he ever tried to hold my hand.

See, we'd been hanging out since the end of January.  I had worked for his parents (briefly) in their now bankrupt and closed FIRST restaurant (a blog for another day I'm sure) and he had worked for mine.  It was his first "non-kitchen" job, and as near as I could tell, he was enjoying working there.  We, along with his "cousin", used to go out for drinks, wander around stores and choose stupid DVDs to enjoy at other times, etc.  In hindsight, he was too shy to go out with me because of our nearly 5 year age difference, the fact that we each worked for the others parents, and it was his way of hanging out with me (sort of pre-dating) ... 

After weeks of this "pre-dating" his cousin, who isn't really his cousin, but some how related and it's easier just to say "cousin" - trust me, it really is .. anyway, after weeks of this, she finally said she was 'busy' and we'd have to either reschedule, or go without her, we didn't reschedule - we went without her.  Though, we changed the plans - it was supposed to be drinks and hanging out, instead, we went to "Chunky's" and enjoyed dinner and a movie.  Well, I don't think we enjoyed either, but it was our first time out together, and it ended with him finally sucking it up and asking me if we were now considered "dating" ... men!  Well, at the time ... Boys!

Once his initial shyness was over, and the first date was done, and a success, we were pretty much inseparable - for two people who each worked 2 full(ish) time jobs ... it was as inseparable as we could be.  

Now, don't get me wrong, we've had our share of ups and downs, and there were times when we weren't sure we couldn't make it, where we weren't going to last together as an "us" .. but here, 10 years later, we stand - together, married, happy, and in love .. more and more in love each every day.  Cheesy Right?

We've also instilled the habit of cooking together - even including Emily - and somehow, it tastes better when we all three, cook together.  We have date night (and we don't always go out - we do make time for just us) and often play board games, card games, or just sit - and read.

Happy 10 Years Bub.  It's better than ever, I can't wait until our next milestone.  

Relay for Life 2010

Last year, my sisters, mom and I - along with a few of our friends - decided to start up a Relay For Life Team.  In remembrance of the loved ones we've lost, and in support and strength for the loved ones who are still fighting.

This year, we've decided to do it again.

At the bottom of this post, you'll find a link, to my personal Relay page - and I ask that you please take a moment to click it, and peruse through ... I realize it's a tight year for everyone, and appreciate even spreading our mission to others you know, that I may not.  Together, we can fight this - and beat it.

*My Reason to Relay*

I Relay in loving memory of my family and friends that have been lost to this horrific disease, and in honor of those that have been fortunate enough to survive their fights.

Anything you can do to support myself, and my team, is appreciated, and received with more gratitude than I could personally express.

Together, we can fight back against cancer.

Please support our efforts by making a donation or joining our Relay For Life® team. 

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10NE?px=11468953&pg=personal&fr_id=23431

The funny thing about TV Shows ... part 2

I know I said this was going to be my "next entry", and there have been 12 or so SINCE then, however, I have had a really hard time putting to words the way I'm feeling - or what exactly I am thinking.  So forgive me, I'm going to ramble a touch.

I was watching a few shows late last month, and a few of the lines that I heard, made me stop in my tracks.  One in particular was "The Anyway Friend" ... a little back info for ya ... I am addicted to medical "dramas" .. Grey's Anatomy, Trauma, House, Private Practice, Mercy, ER, all of them ... you name it, I've probably watched it, either on TV --- or through my new addiction, Online TV!! ... I don't know why, I can rarely make it through an episode without either getting extremely angry or inexplicably sad.  However, I can't seem to stop watching them - and this particular story, would be one of the biggest reasons.

A few weeks ago, on a particular episode of Private Practice (in the event you're not familiar, it's the "spin off" show that Kate Walsh landed after a season and a half (rough guesstimate) as Dr. Addison Montgomery-Sheppard - ob/gyn extraodinaire - and the "wife" of Patrick Dempsey aka Dr. Derek Sheppard, aka Dr. McDreamy (or McDreamy) ... anywho, it's a pretty good show.) Sam (played by Taye Diggs himself) has to make a speech at a very large moment in his daughters life, and says some things that made me actually pause the show, consider them - rewind and listen again.

He told the story of his daughter, when she was younger - she used to wear a dress - over and over again.  And how at the end of one day, as he was putting her to bed - she turned to him and said "I love you the best daddy, and when I'm older, I'm going to marry you."  When he paused, and asked her why, she replied "you're my anyway friend, even if you're mad at me or I've done something wrong, you love me anyway."

I can only hope, against all hopes, that someday - Emily calls me her anyway friend.  I know I - personally - have a few "anyway" friends.   Those who love me "anyway" .. no matter what I do, or say, or how long it's been - they love me.  And I love them.  No matter what.    

I have also decided - rather recently (like yesterday) - that I am no longer going to "try" the way I used to with other certain "friends".  It is unfair that I am the one doing all the work, making all the plans, being the one to call, and always being the one left behind.  Forgotten, bailed on, neglected.  I am better than that.  I am smarter than that - I deserve Better Than That. And I know it.

So here's to you - my Anyway Friends ... I thank you all, from the very bottom of my heart.  For being there ... always, and forever ... no matter the miles, the times, or the stresses we've faced.

Laundry Master ...

It appears as though my bloggers block has been temporarily lifted .. and I think it's because I actually brought my camera in, and found a few pictures from a few weeks ago.   It's true, a picture speaks a thousand words!

This is going to be daddy's last week working a second job.  At the moment, there isn't enough business for us to justify him getting a paycheck, when there are no customers.  I wish, more than anything, my parents restaurant would be packed - all day everyday - and have Faith that better days are coming, and when they do - Mike will be right there to step in and pick up some hours, if they need him.   He misses us, and we miss him - so it's an okay arrangement, for now.

The other night, while doing my nightly laundry run, Emily decided she wanted to help me.  This is really nothing new, I swear that kid lives for it.  She helps me with it all the time, and even gets angry when I don't "let her" ... almost three years old, and already, she does the laundry.  Amazing, Right?

Also, Don't mind the floor, I have to sweep in there today ... the joys of hard wood and tile flooring!!  Or the counter top, I just realized how cluttered it is, by going through these pictures ... Lord I have a lot to do tonight!!

Paging Dock-a Emily. Dock-a Emily?

Emily will be three in a matter of weeks.  Literally, weeks.

It's amazing to me, the way life passes so quickly.  Take it from me - when someone says to you "Enjoy it while you can, time passes too fast to process" or "Enjoy it as you get it, they grow up way to fast" ... It's true.

While the process of pregnancy, specifically the end, seems to drag on for ever - the actual act of having a child, in your arms - after either natural birth or c-section - is unlike anything I've ever experienced, and I wish everyone could experience it - just once.   Okay, so maybe not EVERYONE, I mean, there are some people - even some who HAVE kids - that maybe SHOULDN'T have them - not that I'm one to judge.  I'm getting off track here.

Emily is at the age, that perfect age, where she plays alone.  Engages in play with other kids - her age, older and even younger.   She's amazing at "pretend" ... she loves to dress up, she loves to play with fake food, acting like a waitress, and a cook, among other things.   For Christmas this year, Santa gave her a dress up trunk full of princess clothes - shoes, jewelry, dresses - we added old Halloween costumes, a Doctors kit ... we're also going to be adding other things - specifically a doctors outfit, complete with a smaller version for her  Barbie.  I know, it's fantastic.

When she was home sick a couple weeks ago, daddy wasn't feeling well either.  She took her little doctors kit, and settled into Daddy's chair with him.  The following is a "condensed" version of the conversation they had.

Emily:  Hello Daddy.

Daddy:  Hi there Em.

E:  Not feelin so good ta-day?

D: No, I have a bug in my belly, just like you did.

E:  Tha's no good Dada.  no good, at all.

D: Sigh, I know.  What can you do?

E:  Well, I can take a look, ifya want?

D: Sure, I think that's a great idea.

E:  Good thing I brought my kit!   Open Up! 

She proceeds to listen to his heart with her stethoscope, and stick a fake thermometer under daddy's arm, and turns the dial ... 

E: Oh No Dada, it says your a sad guy.

D: What do you mean?  I'm a Sad Guy??  That's not good!?!

E: Is ok, I'll hewp you, I have mebicine right here.  Now, howd stiww.

D: What?  Hold still?  I thought I was going to have medicine?!

at this point, she reaches out her little hand and proceeds to give him a fake shot.

D:  HEY!   That hurt!!  W A H A H A H .....

E:  Oh shhhhhh, it's ok - I kiss it ... (she bends down and plants a kiss on his arm)

D: Sniffle, that's a little better.

she takes the thermometer back out and proceeds to take his temperature again, this time clicking the dial to the sun and happy face ...

E:  See, you all bettah.  MmHmmm, Dock-A Em-ly make you bettah!   Now, you tha happeh face!

D: Oh, Thank you Doctor Emily!

Perhaps, this is the start of a new career? 

What?  A mother can dream, can't she?

So baby, why don't we just dance ...

This time of year makes me feel better, inside and out.  The birds are waking up that have been "hiding" all winter, the grass is breaking free of the icy ceiling that's been keeping it down.  Not to mention the flowers and trees waking up and blooming again.  Vitamin D.  Just what Dr. Jessi ordered ;)

I can't wait until Spring is REALLY here.  Longer - warmer - days ... bright sunshine, bright green lawns, beautiful bright flowers ... picnics, walks, rides with the windows down, having the windows open at the house.  Being able to plant flowers, feed the birds (easier), paint the front door, paint the bedroom (YAY!!!) ... I enjoy those things very much.  To finally put the finishing touches on "our house" ... to make our room our own, window treatments, paint, slip covers.  These are the things I'm looking forward to this Spring.

Landscaping is going to be a HUGE part of our Spring/Summer - Summer, however, - will be spent mostly on the boat, for that I cannot wait.  I'm happiest with my friends/family, camera, our boat, the water, the sun, and a cold drink in my hand.  The laughs that I have on that boat - rival every other laugh until then, and every other laugh since.  It's hard to put into words the way being on the boat makes me feel.  Though, that's a blog for another day!

I love the sunshine, and I love love love the feeling of rebirth, the feeling of new - that comes with each Spring. It never ceases to amaze me the way things look when the grey of the tail end of winter melts away, to reveal the beauty of new flowers, new grass, new trees, new animals.  There is nothing like the smell after a warm Spring rain (the warmer rains are coming) ... the damp earth, the flowers, the grass ... even the pavement after the rain.   It's invigorating!  That sounds funny, doesn't it?

Emily and I took a walk this Saturday, after our failed Easter Bunny adventure (a blog will come about that, I promise) - it was brisk, so it was a QUICK walk, but we enjoyed the time anyway.  (I forgot my camera today, it's plugged in at home - I swear I'm losing it - so pictures will be up tomorrow)  It was cold enough for icicles to form on a tree, ice to cover some standing water in a drainage ditch, and snow piles still around in certain groves of trees.  Emily held the leashes for the girls, and Pixie - my poor little poochie - shut down 1/2 way through and ended up being carted around on my shoulder for the remainder of our jaunt.

I can't wait for the sun to come back, and the air to warm up, so that we can walk each night - either before or after dinner - doesn't matter.  I just cannot wait to get out into the fresh air, each day.  I know that Emily will enjoy it thoroughly, and the dogs will get used to the exercise.  Heehee.

Here's to fresh air, warmer weather, and new flowers, new trees, New Life.

Musical Monday .. Again . . .

Recently, I've been listening to more music - using the music channels on our DirecTv box - and dancing with Emily.  As I've posted before, Daddy got a second job, and we've had some time together - just the two of us.  Though, I'm going a little stir crazy with the finance issues, and not being able to take her out to fun places, we're going to hit the library more often, and go for walks, and play at the park, and do other things that don't appear to cost money, or much money.

Some of "our" favorite songs to dance to, and sing along with, are as follows:

Outside My Window - Sarah Buxton
Why Don't We Just Dance - Josh Turner

All She Wants to do Is Dance - Don Henley

The Boys of Summer - Don Henley

Call Me Al - Paul Simon
Love Story - Taylor Swift (of course - her most favorite)
Gitchee Gitchee Goo (means I Love You) - Phineas and Ferb
S.I.M.P (Squirrels In My Pants) - Candace - Phineas and Ferb


Her recent, most, favorite is - Smile - by Uncle Kracker.  At first, when we heard it in the car, I didn't realize it was Uncle Kracker - But I absolutely love the lyrics.  It's a happy, moving, up beat song, and it makes her giggle.  Which is the most infectious sound in the ENTIRE world.  It makes me smile just to think of it, her laughing, her face when she busts out in a full on laugh.  Her eyes light up, her whole body shakes, her smile reaches her ears.

It is moments like these, that almost - ALMOST - erase the devil from her.   They say it's the "terrible twos" you need to watch out for, I disagree - It's the Torturous Threes!!  The closer she gets to the big day, the worse she behaves.  Except on our dancing days.  And even then, the devil tries to show her horns!

Here are the lyrics to our new favorite dancing song:

You're better then the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler than the flip side

Of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where

You send me, lets me know that it's okay

Yeah, it's okay

And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed

Sing like bird, dizzy in my head

Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone,

Somehow you come along just like

A flower pokin' through the sidewalk crack

And just like that

You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed

Sing like bird, dizzy in my head

Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you

'Cause every time that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed

Sing like bird, dizzy in my head

Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

(Oh, you make me smile)

Oh, you make me smile

(Oh, you make me smile)

Oh, you make me smile